genlisae: (confused)
That is my confused icon, though I am not actually confused. I am not sure what I am. In that case, perhaps I am confused after all?

Read more... )


Jan. 20th, 2014 04:24 pm
genlisae: (Default)
Greetings interweb!!

I poofed again. And I am probably going to do it again. Maybe not for so long, but it is prolly going to happen.

I tried the NaNoMo thing, it went about as well as you would expect from me. 4800 words in I realized I was not writing the story I thought I was and was actually writing a much larger story that I was not prepared for. It was not a total disaster though! I can now, very highly recommend Scrivener! If I hadn't been using it I would have got lost before I even started and wouldn't be able to keep plugging away at what I have as time permits.

Now, because I wouldn't dream of being gone this long and come back empty handed, have a snippet from the Not-So-NaNoMo project:

Snippet )
On a sims front, I am currently working on the long overdue update to RBPV and fiddling with textures for more terrain types to go with the farm fields.

On a health front I am doing great. For serious. I haven't felt this ... 'alive' is really the only word I can think of that fits ... in decades. It's good. I'm good. Everything is good. I hope everything is good for all of you as well.

genlisae: (Default)
Was probably a little sooner than I should have been home, but I am home none the less and doing okay considering the surgery I had.

On a slightly bizarre note, removing of one cyst can apparently equal a wight loss of 50 lbs. Interesting how that works really.

Now I am going to be all passy-outy in my bed, because I have missed my bed.
genlisae: (streetsign)
So, it is the ass crack of dawn and I need to leave for surgery in about 40 minutes, have not packed the bag I am supposed to take with me yet and what is my brain doing?

Insisting I write that scene for Pleasantries it has been tormenting me with all night instead of letting me sleep.

Months where trying to write was kind of like hitting myself in the head with a spiky stick. This morning my muse is running amok.

Go figure.
genlisae: (Java Worship)
Yup, I fell off the interweb again. Who is actually surprised by this? That is not to say that I have not been simming, I have, I even have RBPV updates. I have them. You do not 'cause ... well ... um ... yeah. I haven't felt like typing them up? That and I got caught up doing ... something else.

What something else? This something else. The irony there being I can't wear most of them due to multiple metal allergies. I can make 'em though!

In other news. I have surgery on Wednesday. Cyst is finally being removed! Yay! Maybe I can walk again? Possibly? Please? That is the hope anyway. After major abdominal surgery, 4 days at least in the hospital and then 6 weeks minimum recovery, I better be able to walk again! Or I'm gonna be pissed.

Oh and Mr. Lumpy is dying, or more specifically Mr. Lumpy is entirely dead on the inside and continues to shrink. More good news! The weird news (seriously, you KNEW there had to be a weird in here somewhere!) Mr. Lumpy is not a primary cancer. He spread from somewhere else. Where? No idea. They can't find anything anywhere. There are a few options (okay, more than a few) of things that were removed years and years and years ago like my incredibly large and rapidly changing birthmark that used to be above my left ear. At this point it is anyone's guess and they are all tired of guessing with me. Much investigation has turned up a collective shrug and I am not worried about it.

Also, a few weeks ago, someone left me a comment asking about the availability of Tybalt's birth mark. That has been found and is coming. The plan is to load my game here in a few minutes and get pics of that mark and the two others I made at the same time. Then I will get them up for download for you.

And that is about it! Pretty much a "Hi!!!!!! Still here!!!! Kinda fell off for a while and about to again due to upcoming ouchies! I will be back!"
genlisae: (confused)
I looked at the calender on my computer today and was all "Wait ... the 18th? SERIOUSLY!?"

I am still here btw, just ... ummm ... other stuffing? (as opposed to stuffing others .. though that might be fun too, I know a few people who need to be stuffed in really small closets, or maybe air tight boxes ... moving on shall we? Yes, I think so.)

updates )

Okay, so maybe I might have lied. Now that I think about it, the State of The Sims doesn't look so bad at all. Was just a matter of finding a way to put the fun back into the rebuild.

genlisae: (confused)
I have exhausted my list of things I have the mental capacity to focus on to stave off boredom. I can't even seem to focus on colouring in a colouring book right now and yet the "everything else" is not engaging enough to offset the boredom setting in. In a weird place. Only so much staring blankly into space thinking 'I really don't feel well' a person can take.

Thing is, I really don't feel well. My stomach has picked up exactly where it left off for the start of round 4 of chemo. The slice of toast I ate this morning set my stomach to churning and even small sips of water soon end up in dry heaving. I made it through the last two days mostly by sleeping, only I'm not tired anymore. Tried watching a movie (several actually) and sooner or later I realize I have zoned out and now have no idea what is going on anymore. So, I stare off into space and think 'I really don't feel well'.

Maybe part of it is the waiting for the results tomorrow? Could be. I am not sure. I seem to be kind of numb about the whole thing overall.

Very strange place I am in right now.

On the other hand, typing this has used up a few minutes so that is good I suppose.

One week

Feb. 13th, 2013 07:07 pm
genlisae: (Arlec)
Until I start the last round of chemo. You would think I would be happy about this wouldn't you? Before I can explain why I am not, I think we need to go back to last Thursday.

for talk of vomiting, not graphic )
genlisae: (confused)
I mean, okay, intellectually, I knew they did, or at least that it would be safe to assume they did. They are birds and other birds like them eat worms. I have just never seen a crow eat anything that wasn't stolen from the irate guy now waving half a sandwich, taken from a trashcan or required it be dropped from 50+ feet several times over to break open. So seeing a crow, standing next to a trashcan, across the sidewalk from a guy still eating his intact sandwich, calmly plucking a worm from the grass ... has kind of really screwed with my head!

Day 8. Oh how I hate day 8. Nothing to do with the crow now, we have done a complete topic switch. I felt great this morning! Sure, at still-damn-dark-O'clock this morning I realized I was slow basting myself in cyst induced back pain (Not joking, I have apparently spent several weeks now slowly turning over in circles and this morning I woke up enough to realize why I was doing it. If I lay in one place too long I get really nasty lower back pain. Seems I can sleep and be in almost constant, spinning motion, which is really kind of cool ... unless you are mathew and trying to sleep next to the idiot on the invisible spit-roast). Then I had breakfast. Took my pills and everything. It all went to hell from there.

Queazy, dizzy, lightheaded and coughing. The worst part is the coughing. It has been here for weeks and while 'Yay! I am not coughing up blood anymore!', now it actively feels like I am breathing water half the time. You know that "I totally just swallowed that wrong" feeling or maybe closer to holding your face over a really steaming bowl of water with a towel over your head? Yeah, that. Then the coughing starts and then I try to faint due to lack of oxygen. Good times.

Then we had to take the child to her onsite class today. Motion sickness made everything ALL BETTER! (sarcasm).

On the other hand, I did learn a few things about my child today and her win vs. fail score in life.

Fail: She was texting with her brand new (like 3 weeks now) cellphone during class (which was also a field trip so extra supervision).
Win: She got away with it by telling them she was taking pictures.
Fail: The person she was texting was her mother.
Not sure which way to call this one: Her mother may have been texting her back ... about the fail that was not falling in the stream she did actually take a picture of and text to her mother.

And that was my day. Stomach has settled down now, thank you my mommy and my child for making very stomach friendly Keilke for dinner. With even more stomach friendly yogurt instead of cream sauce.

Oh oh oh!

Feb. 1st, 2013 02:42 am
genlisae: (Default)
Forgot to mention this earlier and it kind of needs it's own post anyway. I remember telling Mom, right about when I gave her my last 2 percocet and said "I don't need them anymore and someone else has been taking them, get them out of here!" (I have a suspicion who was taking them ... I am not pleased and for more reasons than while everyone knows certain visitors often go through their medications, actually taking the medication they find is going a little far!) It seems I also forgot to mention this to Mathew (he is currently a little hurt by this) but it really did slip my mind.

Mr. Lumpy was last measured at 2.2-2.5 centimeters (depending on which angle they took the measurement from) and had grown (not angle dependent this time. Both angles showed the same) approximately 0.2 centimeters over the past 1.5-2 years. This math puts my acquisition of Mr. Lumpy at somewhere around 11 years ago. That is of course assuming a steady rate of growth, which is not terribly likely (or so I am told) which puts the probable window for Mr. Lumpy taking up residence anywhere from 5-20 years ago.

Here is where it get really interesting.

I have had acid reflux since I was 15 years old. I have had random inexplicable shoulder pain since I was 17. I was Diagnosed with Chiari Malformation nearly 3 years ago at which point the reflux and the shoulder pain as well as the numb hands and feet and random pain in all of my limbs I had been experiencing since about age 20 was chalked up to Chiari. It made sense. These are Chiari symptoms. Especially the headache that never leaves and only gets worse, the hand/feet pain/numbness and the occasional bout of temporary paralysis that worsens in both frequency and degree over time.

Except, both acid reflux and shoulder pain are also both symptoms of cancer and with the shoulder pain specifically, a symptom of lung cancer.

Somewhere around the middle of radiation the shoulder pain went away. Completely. I can grasp my hands behind my back again. With NO pain where as previously I couldn't lift my arm to shoulder height. Added to this, I can also feel my fingers again which is both really cool and really disturbing all at the same time. Relearning these concepts of hot and cold has been a bit startling. I almost miss being able to reach into the oven and pull out the pans that have been in there, baking, for a few hours and when I picked up an ice cube a few weeks ago and it was cold it kind of scared me. On the plus side I can hold a paint brush again and doodle and paint and write with a normal pen again.

The paralysis continues, no surprise there.

I need to make this perfectly clear right now, I am not taking this as a sign that a "cure" has been achieved. I knew going in that while intending to treat for a cure was the plan, it is far more likely that a reduction in tumor size is the only positive outcome. Equally as likely is no change at all. I am not taking this as a sign that Mr. Lumpy got any smaller either. Maybe, for the time being growth has been slowed and thus the easing of the shoulder pain and perhaps the proper function of my hands.

What I am taking this as a possible sign of is the possible time frame for the acquisition of Mr. Lumpy is much, MUCH closer to 20 years ago.

I wasn't joking when I said he had been here for a loooong time and that I planned to be here for a long time to come, Mr. Lumpy continuing to reside with me or no. I see zero reason I can't expect another 20 or more years even if the combination of radiation and chemo does not achieve a cure. They are not my only options, just the logical first step. I have the next two treatments to explore already lined up. Of course I am hoping they won't be needed, but one of them makes sense to adopt simply as a lifestyle choice. If it does end up working, I will be spreading that news far and wide at every opportunity, of that I can assure you.

So, since finding out the shoulder pain is gone (which I still can't believe I didn't tell him. He'd noticed the feeling in my hand returning all on his own) has Mathew feeling a bit better about me returning to somewhat normal after treatment, I thought I would put it out there for anyone else who might find it promising. Also puts things in a much less urgent time frame, stage 3 is still not a good point to be diagnosed in, at the same time (theory backed up by my oncologists here), the progress of Mr. Lumpy being as slow as it has been is incredibly promising.
genlisae: (streetsign)
It so isn't, except to say that day 2 of round 3 for chemo was not fun and as often happens when I have not had fun I loose myself in obscure movies.

For the record, I am Number Four is a perfect example of how to take a good idea and do it wrong. I have hope for the books, but as those are still downloading, I can't comment yet.

On completely the other side of the spectrum, FAQ About Time Travel is a perfect example of a good idea, done REALLY well. Low budget, sure (and one of the points critics argued against the film. No shit, they critiqued the budget!) but otherwise brilliant and fun and funny British sci-fi (oh, sorry, "Science Fiction" :P) comedy. Watch it. You will not regret it .. or maybe you will but will get a few laughs along the way.

*ETA* Just to make this a little more about what it was supposed to be about, while I am generally not having fun (little things like the upset stomach never acutally left, and the cough I developed round about day 2 of the last round is only helped by taking 4 codine a day ... and still managing to cough up blood anyway), I am happy to report I do not have a bestest stabby friend this time. I have finally managed to convince the nurses that while their intent is to do me a favour and only stab me once per cycle, leaving the IV in is really not in my best interest. I am a klutz and smacking said IV on like the bottom of the cabinet shelves ... yeah that hurts. Hurts a lot when I not only smack it but manage to wedge the IV further into the vein ... and frequently right out the other side resulting in bruising (one of which hasn't gone away from round 2 ... 3 weeks ago) and them having to redo it again the next day anyway because the one they left in doesn't work anymore. Convincing them has been easy, I just go directly to the sink and soak my arm before I even sit down in my chair, only soak the left arm and follow that up with showing them the bruise on the back of my right hand, which I am happy to report is finally fading as of today..

I understand why they want to just leave it in, really. I get that it usually (sans klutz and the whole having to redo anyway thing) makes it quicker for them and a lot of people are needle-phobic. I am not one of them. You really do get used to it and between all the bloodtests, the CT scans, The PET scans and the bizzillion (only a slight exaggeration) other random time I get poked with needles I really don't even flinch anymore. Hell I can even tell them which veins feel promising and where to find the really promising, but hidden ones .. and that if they put an IV in and then ask me to lift my arms over my head my shoulders are going to pinch off the vein and turn me into a human sprinkler as the pressure in the line builds up and blows all the connections. That's always fun. Also, Iodine hard to get off a CT scanner .. just sayin'.

genlisae: (Default)

14 fricken years people! countem! That is how long I have been waiting for this game!

Okay, not exactly THIS game, just the one that was promised and promoted along with the release of DKII until a moment of stunning fuckwittery which only EA could accomplish .. and they did. Flawlessly.

And now it is about to happen. With Richard fricken Ridings as THE VOICE! I cried. For serious.

I have been tracking this since I found it and am so very, very happy that their funding goals are being met. Not to say I would not like to see even more goals met (hint, hint! GO PLEDGE! It is sooooo worth it!) and on release date in August I will be absent, possibly for an extended period of time, along with my daughter .. and as I was informed earlier today, my mother. (Yeah, DK and DK II were THAT good! My Mom STILL plays them! Oh who am I kidding, so do I, and my child, a lot.)

Look into it. Consider supporting them. Most fun you will ever have being an evil bastard!

In other almost, but not quite so, squee worthy news. I am precisely 2/3 of the way through radiation treatments. Only 10 more to go.

Plus round 2 of chemo started today. That was not at all squee worthy and this time around I am not taking it so well. Probably due to the cold I am only just, almost, over. Stomach is not my friend and it decided to start not being my friend before the meds had even finished trickling into my vein.

Not having fun here!

Which is why I am about to go sleep. Like right now. Cause I have already fallen asleep sitting here twice.


Dec. 19th, 2012 05:41 pm
genlisae: (hands)
Which I know sounds like a really random title since I am home most days and didn't actually go anywhere funtastic, but I am oh so glad to be here! A post will be forthcoming so everyone can enjoy a chuckle, or a laugh, at my expense and go "Damn, am I glad I wasn't you!".

First though, I am going to sleep for about 6 months, k?
genlisae: (Default)
I seem to have forgotten to update the further adventures of Mr. Lumpy, so I am doing that now.

Mr. Lumy's friend - totally a non-issue other than being present and pushing on nerve centres from time to time (which is a bit uncomfortable, but totally dealable) and is scheduled to be removed in march.

Tomorrow I start radiation and chemo. Round about 4 hours ago it all finally sank in that I am about to spend 6 weeks going back and forth to the cancer clinic (85km away), arguing with people about "No you can't come in, and get your damn hands off the door handle. People who actually live here have to touch that as well and you are coughing/sneezing/have just been chewing your nails." and generally getting really, really tired of being asked how I'm "coping". Doing just fine thanks! Mr. Lumpy has been here for years and I'm not dead yet, I am fairly certain I am not about to die in the next few minutes. Or the next 40 years for that matter. Plus, Mr. Lumpy has been handed his eviction notice.

It did all sink in finally though and pretty much my only thought was "This is gonna SUCK!"

And it will, and I will get through it and then carry on. I have far too much to do still to stop now.

So, yeah, if I really drop out of existence for awhile (more than just my usual here but not), you know why. Or, I may decide to just post a lot of random stuff to keep myself occupied. You never know!
genlisae: (sad)
It is a war, I swear, but before I go into that particular rant:

The Holiday Love Meme is back at allthingsimlish!

No, I have not put my name down yet, I am not sure I am going to. It is just really awesome to go through and read the nice things everyone has to say about the members of the sims community. Plus, I find a bunch of new simmers that way as well.

Now to the glasses issue.

I have needed glasses for a while mostly for reading, painting, wirework ... seeing anything closer than 3 feet in front of my face. It wasn't too bad and simple magnifying readers worked fine for me. Then, for like the last year I was starting to notice my arm just was not long enough anymore to read labels or newspapers ... or see which cat it was I was holding ... so I went to the optometrist a few weeks ago and got my first shiny prescription lenses. They are driving me crazy!

Let me backtrack a bit here.

You know how people look at your computer over your shoulder when you are showing them something? You know how they point and touch the screen? Yeah, not my screen they don't. Touching my screen gets your fingers slapped. Then you get handed a cleaning cloth and cleaner and told to fix it and if you ever touch my screen again I will remove the offending finger because if there is a fingerprint on my monitor I will not be able to see anything BUT that print. It creates a blurry little fuzzy spot and my eyes are forever trying to make it come into focus and not blurry and then it hurts my head and just no! No fingerprints on my monitor.

So, imagine what happens when those same fuzzy little blurry spots are on the glasses that are supposed to be helping me see. And they are usually my own finger prints! I don't notice touching them, in fact I would guarantee that I have not touched the lenses, but the prints end up there just the same. Worse still, I can not believe the amount of just crap that will collect on lenses. Seriously? Where do all these specks and flecks and general film come from? And OMG, eyelash smudges are the hardest thing to see through. *sob*

My child wanders around with glasses so smudged you can barely make out her eyes behind them. Everyone else doesn't seem to mind the occasional smudge or fleck. They all tell me you get used to it and you only really notice when you really clean them and things look clear again. So now I am thinking I am just a freak.

I think I spend more time cleaning my glasses and getting laughed at for it than I do actually looking through them. I can't be the only one who does this. Someone tell me I am not the only one who does this.

genlisae: (Default)
Rather an ovarian cyst.

Plus side, no surgery. Downside I can expect this "delightful" (heavy on the sarcasm) feeling to continue for at least the next 5 days with the potential to flare up for the next 3 months.

And Mathew thought I was joking yesterday when I said "Just kill me now." HA!
genlisae: (Default)
It isn't. What it is is ... I really don't know what it is thanks to the morphine and percocet.

I seem to have an inflamed appendix. Most likely, waiting on tests first thing in the morning to find out for sure and then probably off to surgery to get it removed.

I swear I am not actually trying to collect ailments, nor do I just really like having surgery (despite what Mathew seems to think because he has a very twisted sense of humour. I like his sense of humour, it helps sometimes). Anyway, if I fall off the net again for a few days, you know why. If this turns out to not be what they think it is I will be back.

Also, Rach, you both better be here when I do get back. K?
genlisae: (confused)
I am not really doing any singing at the moment because OW! Though the nursing staff in the recovery room at the Royal Jubilee (no joke) hospital would like everyone to know that I have the most awesome hair ... totally relevant.

Right, so a procedure that is supposed to cause "minimal to no discomfort" (it says so on the paperwork, for serious, this is not supposed to hurt) actually hurts like hell. It also causes extensive swelling and random shoulder pain.

My poor GP. She is so confused by me. I feel bad for her. No one can figure out why my shoulder is hurting, and grinding when I move it or why I still have difficulty breathing. It may be internal swelling, but that isn't supposed to happen either. They can't work out why I still have low blood pressure or why I have slight hypothermia.

All things considered though it went smoothly and I will recover, though not as quickly as was expected due to the previously mentioned things that aren't supposed to happen happening. My neck is swollen all the way up into my lower face and my chest is swollen as well and I am breathing in short, shallow breathes due to pain, but I am still here.

I do have one of the most neatly stitched incisions I have ever seen.
cut for mildly graphic pic, no blood, just healing )

Seriously, look at that. Shouldn't leave much of a scar at all. I am happy about this and really wish that whomever it was that stitched up the incision from the c-section when my daughter was born had taken lessons from whomever it was that stitched up this one.

You can also see the swelling that is not supposed to be there. Kind off puffed up like a pillow from my jaw down past my ribs. Not infected, just swollen and irritated. Swallowing is not a fun thing right now, nor is talking or breathing or sitting up or laying down or ... okay, yeah, I am just really, really, really, painfully uncomfortable at the moment.

And now that I have confirmed I am still breathing for everyone I am going to go back to concentrating on staying in the realm of the breathing. It is taking a bit more concentration than it should.

genlisae: (Default)
So, I have tentative dates, which is interesting since I have had several dates so far but this time the booking receptoinist was confident enough to write them in in pen!

July 12th for the pre-op and July 18th in the afternoon-ish.

There have been a lot of "ish"es going around about this.

In all seriousness I was looking forward to the removal of the back of my head way more than I am looking forward to a camera being inserted into my chest cavity. There is going to be tissue separation and that sounds a lot like it is going to hurt, for a long time.

In other news ...

I signed up for Go Fish! at [ profile] sim_spiration. 10k words written in a genre I do not usually write for between July 15th and August 15. I am going with best case, no complications scenario here and thinking it will give me something to do while recovering.

I hope.

Edit* Speaking of [ profile] sim_spiration they are looking for more prompts for their prompt pool and the number of responses to the weekly prompts has dropped over the last several months *stares at the simmers on the f-list*. Go write something for the prompts! (Totally realizing that I need to take that directive myself).


Jun. 11th, 2012 11:04 pm
genlisae: (Default)
Right, so I kind of fell off the net again. Couple reasons for that:

Pretend I said something clever here. )


genlisae: (Default)

Random Box of Random

Because why not?

Welcome and all the rest of that. Friend away. I don't mind at all and of course feel free to drop me a comment or a note any time! You can also follow me on Twitter or Tumblr.

June 2015

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