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General post of ... ummm ... hell if I know! Stuff.
K, so first things first. My brothers are doing okay. It remains to be seen if either of them have learned anything and will change what they need to change but the wake-up call was delivered and received at least for the rest of us. Mathew's uncle is also well, all things considered.
On a more personal note, (gods, I feel like I am whining just thinking of saying this but I have been told if I don't say these things people don't know and they can't help) I am not doing so okay. The numbness in my hands has progressed further. I cut open the back of my index finger two days ago on (I'm guessing since that is what I was doing at the time) a section of page wire and did not notice until it was pointed out to me I was dripping blood everywhere.
And, my right leg has become ... unreliable. Some days it is fine, then suddenly it is almost completely paralyzed and numb. I am very colourful right now! All sorts of shades of purple and black and a bit of that lovely fading bruise yellow/green thrown in for good measure. All a result of falling over when my leg stops working ... or (and this probably my personal favourite) punching myself in the chin when the grip I had on the roofing for the pheasant house wasn't as good as I thought it was and suddenly I dropped the damn thing.
What changed? Aside from inevitable progression of the Chiari Malformation causing more damage, I stopped taking my medication a few months ago. No, this didn't do anything for the headaches and I now spend more time laying down with my head buried under a pillow than I do upright, but, and this is the huge part, the random dizzy spells that left me pretty much confined to a chair are mostly gone. Downside, symptoms are progressing faster than they otherwise would be and I am much more aware of them over all (My tolerance for those damn headaches for example has been reduced significantly). On the other hand the moments of clarity and being able to get up and go do things are good, both of which I need to be able to get back into condition to make it through surgery.
Surgery I am no longer sure I wish to have.
That is perplexing. On the one hand I have a chance to get my hands back. To be essentially symptom free! No more numb, losing mobility, etc. On the other hand, it is only a chance and not a very large chance at that with the added drawback of having the back of my skull cut off creating a host of other issues and potential problems and possibly, ironically, making the original symptoms worse.
What to do? I don't know anymore.
I do know I just need to chill the hell out for the most part and accept that what happens is what happens ... and not get so damn angry with myself when I do break something. That one is tough to remember though when I put my thumb through not one, but two (!!!! ARGH!) of the rarer colour strain quail eggs purchased today while I was putting them in the incubator.
With that in mind; good things going on right now:
See, not all bad, just need to put things in perspective.
On a more personal note, (gods, I feel like I am whining just thinking of saying this but I have been told if I don't say these things people don't know and they can't help) I am not doing so okay. The numbness in my hands has progressed further. I cut open the back of my index finger two days ago on (I'm guessing since that is what I was doing at the time) a section of page wire and did not notice until it was pointed out to me I was dripping blood everywhere.
And, my right leg has become ... unreliable. Some days it is fine, then suddenly it is almost completely paralyzed and numb. I am very colourful right now! All sorts of shades of purple and black and a bit of that lovely fading bruise yellow/green thrown in for good measure. All a result of falling over when my leg stops working ... or (and this probably my personal favourite) punching myself in the chin when the grip I had on the roofing for the pheasant house wasn't as good as I thought it was and suddenly I dropped the damn thing.
What changed? Aside from inevitable progression of the Chiari Malformation causing more damage, I stopped taking my medication a few months ago. No, this didn't do anything for the headaches and I now spend more time laying down with my head buried under a pillow than I do upright, but, and this is the huge part, the random dizzy spells that left me pretty much confined to a chair are mostly gone. Downside, symptoms are progressing faster than they otherwise would be and I am much more aware of them over all (My tolerance for those damn headaches for example has been reduced significantly). On the other hand the moments of clarity and being able to get up and go do things are good, both of which I need to be able to get back into condition to make it through surgery.
Surgery I am no longer sure I wish to have.
That is perplexing. On the one hand I have a chance to get my hands back. To be essentially symptom free! No more numb, losing mobility, etc. On the other hand, it is only a chance and not a very large chance at that with the added drawback of having the back of my skull cut off creating a host of other issues and potential problems and possibly, ironically, making the original symptoms worse.
What to do? I don't know anymore.
I do know I just need to chill the hell out for the most part and accept that what happens is what happens ... and not get so damn angry with myself when I do break something. That one is tough to remember though when I put my thumb through not one, but two (!!!! ARGH!) of the rarer colour strain quail eggs purchased today while I was putting them in the incubator.
With that in mind; good things going on right now:
- My quail are starting to pay for themselves and are not having to be carried by other people.
- I have worked out a new system for housing the quail with less work (especially the fiddly work that hurts) on my part and the bonus of being healthier for the birds.
- I feel like writing again! Don't know what I feel like writing, but I want to write something. Will see what falls out of my head.
- I feel like painting again as well. How that will work out remains to be seen, but I am confident I can adapt to accommodate my shoulders.
See, not all bad, just need to put things in perspective.