"Hey guys. I'm awake down here."
Dec. 23rd, 2010 10:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
genlisaeIn a post on Monday I mentioned "The Thing" (queue ominous music, I imagine it is kind of like "The Blob" only a lot less deadly and would probably somehow involve smut. Because if I have to have an unknown thing lurking in my chest it is damn well going to have super powers!). Tuesday afternoon I got a phonecall telling me I had a bronchoscopy with biopsy scheduled for 7:45 am 86 km way Thursday morning.
This would be when I started the rapid, stunned blinking followed by a little "wait ... what?". Specialists never work that quickly.
Even more baffling, everything went smoothly once I got there. Okay, they were a little behind schedule, but that is normal.
When things started to go really weird was when they went to give me the sedative. This sedative was supposed to leave me alert enough to respond to instructions but not alert enough to remember the procedure because it is "not really very pleasant".
Hahahahahaha.
I have Chiari, Mr. Resperologist Dude. You are in my world now! That means the nasty shit you just made me gargle with that tastes like a cross between dandelion milk, vinegar and like old gym socks smell that is supposed to numb my throat and "remove my gag reflex". Yeah, it really doesn't matter how many times you ask me to do it, I am still going to feel the pin-prick at the back of my throat when you stab me with your pen gizmo. Also, while you are standing there frowning all perplexed trying to work out why the "freezing" is not taking effect but you can't trigger my gag reflex so it "must have worked". Nope! It didn't! I have Chiari. Gag reflex is non-existent.
As for your injected sedative. I felt more awake after the injection, though it is hard to tell for certain if that was a result of the sedative itself or because of the really fun analgesic resulting in my not having a headache AT ALL for the first time in about six years!
While we are on that subject, what is with being stingy there, huh? I asked nicely. I promise I wouldn't abuse it. I would designate like one day a week, or even one day a month to be "headache free day". I really don't think it was necessary for you to laugh at me when I asked you to share a few extra doses of analgesic. :( The nurses at least were nice about it, Mr. Resperologist Dude, but then you were still a little hung up on the concept of how it is possible for someone to have a headache all the time, yes EVERY DAY , ALL DAY, and still function. *sigh* Really, and this is for your own good, cause you don't seem like all that bad a guy, but man, you are way too serious, you need to get out more.
In all seriousness though, they weren't joking. This is not a very pleasant procedure. They were not aware the sedative had not taken effect until the scope managed to dislodge a small amount of something left over from that cold a few weeks ago that completely blocked my airway for way longer than I was comfortable with. The resulting mounting panic clued them in really quickly at which point the entire tone of the conversation changed. You know talking to me instead of around me.
They could have kept talking around. I was learning more that way, it was distracting me better from the feel of the tiny roto-router brush taking out bits of my lung for the biopsy (twice). Through really that was preferable to when the forceps grabbed and pulled a chunk out.
Also my throat is killing me. It feels kind of like a combination of having strep at about day 4 and somewhere around day 2 after my tonsils were removed.
Naturally I do not have the official results back yet, however, I can 100% now confirm it is not cancer. What it appears to be is a bunch of lung cells that just decided they wanted to hang out over here with a bunch of fat cells and form air pockets and be different. Harmless. You know, totally NOT worth canceling any other surgeries for (RAGE!).
Plus side
The day surgery staff at that particular hospital now think I am crazy. They haven't ever had anyone come back from a procedure like that before tapping their feet, fully alert and asking when they could have coffee. and the poor lady who was in for the same thing just before me and was still all groggy and half asleep and couldn't stand by the time I got back was glaring at me. After I had been back for about 15 minutes she managed to mumble out "How are you so full of energy?" and I just smiled and said "My head doesn't hurt. It's awesome!"
This would be when I started the rapid, stunned blinking followed by a little "wait ... what?". Specialists never work that quickly.
Even more baffling, everything went smoothly once I got there. Okay, they were a little behind schedule, but that is normal.
When things started to go really weird was when they went to give me the sedative. This sedative was supposed to leave me alert enough to respond to instructions but not alert enough to remember the procedure because it is "not really very pleasant".
Hahahahahaha.
I have Chiari, Mr. Resperologist Dude. You are in my world now! That means the nasty shit you just made me gargle with that tastes like a cross between dandelion milk, vinegar and like old gym socks smell that is supposed to numb my throat and "remove my gag reflex". Yeah, it really doesn't matter how many times you ask me to do it, I am still going to feel the pin-prick at the back of my throat when you stab me with your pen gizmo. Also, while you are standing there frowning all perplexed trying to work out why the "freezing" is not taking effect but you can't trigger my gag reflex so it "must have worked". Nope! It didn't! I have Chiari. Gag reflex is non-existent.
As for your injected sedative. I felt more awake after the injection, though it is hard to tell for certain if that was a result of the sedative itself or because of the really fun analgesic resulting in my not having a headache AT ALL for the first time in about six years!
While we are on that subject, what is with being stingy there, huh? I asked nicely. I promise I wouldn't abuse it. I would designate like one day a week, or even one day a month to be "headache free day". I really don't think it was necessary for you to laugh at me when I asked you to share a few extra doses of analgesic. :( The nurses at least were nice about it, Mr. Resperologist Dude, but then you were still a little hung up on the concept of how it is possible for someone to have a headache all the time, yes EVERY DAY , ALL DAY, and still function. *sigh* Really, and this is for your own good, cause you don't seem like all that bad a guy, but man, you are way too serious, you need to get out more.
In all seriousness though, they weren't joking. This is not a very pleasant procedure. They were not aware the sedative had not taken effect until the scope managed to dislodge a small amount of something left over from that cold a few weeks ago that completely blocked my airway for way longer than I was comfortable with. The resulting mounting panic clued them in really quickly at which point the entire tone of the conversation changed. You know talking to me instead of around me.
They could have kept talking around. I was learning more that way, it was distracting me better from the feel of the tiny roto-router brush taking out bits of my lung for the biopsy (twice). Through really that was preferable to when the forceps grabbed and pulled a chunk out.
Also my throat is killing me. It feels kind of like a combination of having strep at about day 4 and somewhere around day 2 after my tonsils were removed.
Naturally I do not have the official results back yet, however, I can 100% now confirm it is not cancer. What it appears to be is a bunch of lung cells that just decided they wanted to hang out over here with a bunch of fat cells and form air pockets and be different. Harmless. You know, totally NOT worth canceling any other surgeries for (RAGE!).
Plus side
The day surgery staff at that particular hospital now think I am crazy. They haven't ever had anyone come back from a procedure like that before tapping their feet, fully alert and asking when they could have coffee. and the poor lady who was in for the same thing just before me and was still all groggy and half asleep and couldn't stand by the time I got back was glaring at me. After I had been back for about 15 minutes she managed to mumble out "How are you so full of energy?" and I just smiled and said "My head doesn't hurt. It's awesome!"
