For Those Prone to 'Shipping

[genlisae]

*Disclaimer: This opinion piece is in no way endorsed by or affiliated with the Grim Reaper. The events depicted in this "work of fiction" are based on unsubstantiated rumor and should not be assumed to be fact. Further, all named parties shall be considered innocent until proven guilty.

 

 

“Hi.

You know how Kate has this thing she’s been working on for a bit now? The thing she keeps showing you teasers of? Yeah, that. We gotta talk about that ‘cause there is this thing that might come up in it that we need to be clear on.”

 

“This will not be happening.”

 

“Yeah, we know. They have chemistry and they look good together and they keep making eyes at each other.”

Just. No.

Why will this not be happening?”

 

“I am an alien. My grandpa is the Grim Reaper. One of my half-brothers is also my uncle. I have two more half-siblings; my dad is totally nailing their half-sister. Yeah. That’s right; he had sex with their mom and now her daughter.”

 

“This sort of shit fucks with a guy’s head! I don’t need any more head fucking with!”

 

“That’s not all though.

There is this whole thing where some people think my boyfriend’s Mom is dead! You know what else? Some of those people think maybe he killed her.”

 

“Do you know what that does to his head? Can you even imagine that kind of mind-fuck?”

 

“And then there is all the shit that is about to go down that makes everything I just told you look like a god-damn cake-walk through happy, rainbow puppy land.

So I am sure you will all understand why I have to make it perfectly clear once more that this:

 

“Will not be happening.

Got it?”

 

“My dad did not bang Ripp’s mom.”

 

“Umm, babe, actually it might have.”

“What?”

“Your dad might have banged my mom.”

“You did not just say that.”

 

“Tel, it isn’t like it really changes anything.”

“Not listening!”

“And you guys have a new table now, right?”

 

 

“ … On the …”

“I’m sorry.”

“…Table?”

“Need me to make it better?”

“Please. The germs, Princess. Oh gods. The germs!”

 

“How 'bout these germs?”

“Oh. Now this is definitely happening.”

“You know, I can’t blame my mom. Your dad is kinda smokin'.”

 

“One more comment like that, Princess, and I’ll be calling Grandpa to arrange a visit for you to go see your mom. Permanently.”

“I love you.”

“You better.”