Chasing Daylight 2 - Hopeless

[genlisae]

Type: Series 2/13  Chapter 1 is here. Index is here.
Rating: NC-17 but only for language. Please note I will NOT be adding any extra level of protection to this. This is your warning.
Word count: 4900+
Advisories: Language, Slurs about sexual orientation, Smoking,  Catty Bitch, Hopeless Adam remains Hopeless, Over dramatic posing to go with over dramatic prose, and OMFG! Huge with 89 images.
X-posted: slash4sims  
Notes: M/M (pre-slash at this point). Written for slash4sims .
Summary: Adam tries to apologize ... again.

From the first time I met you, what could I do
But pray for the strength to see this one through

And I'm tryin' it slips away

- Hopeless - Sister Hazel

Brushing the hair back from his eyes, Adam strode determinedly into his room. As ideas went this was one of his dumbest.

Pointless? Probably. Well thought out? Not a chance. Opening himself up to ending up even more confused than he already was? Most definitely.

His mental checklist confirmed it; this was a stupid idea.





Good thing he’d never been accused of being smart. If he was, he’d never go through with this.

He had to go through with this. In the hours he’d spent outside Angelo’s door after being told off he had come to two conclusions. The first: standing around outside apartment doors after midnight causes the neighbours to call the police. The narrow escape of a criminal record aside, that realization was nothing compared to the second that had occurred to him as he was explaining to the officers why he was loitering outside the residence of someone he barely knew.

Angelo was trouble.





Not trouble in the usual sense. No, that sort of trouble he could deal with. This was trouble of a whole different flavour. This was the kind of trouble that had him marching resolutely toward his computer to set in motion something that would most likely end up in getting his head verbally chewed off again.

Not that he hadn’t deserved it. Okay, so he half believed some of what he’d said, sure, but you just didn’t go around spouting shit like that to someone you just met and kind of really wanted to like you.





Right there, that was the whole problem. He wanted Angelo to like him.





Angelo didn’t seem to have the overwhelming need to fit in, to be accepted that everyone else Adam knew seemed to have. He didn’t really appear to be going out of his way to be noticeably different either.

He simply was.





Having found what he was looking for, he leaned forward with anticipation and clicked the order button briefly noting that even the online retailer was almost sold out as well. What the hell was so great about a book?





A few minutes later he sank down onto his bed. The book should be here in just two days and then he could make it up to Angelo for the whole incident at the park that day. He could apologize, properly this time.

This time he wouldn’t act like an ass. This time he wouldn’t say anything stupid. This time he’d do it right. This time things would be different.





Just two more days and he would see Angelo again.

* * *

Adam met Diane’s scowling gaze as she pulled the door open, “So about yesterday …”

His sentence was cut off as she spotted the flowers clutched in his hand.





With a delighted squeal she threw her arms around his neck, “You’re forgiven!”

His brows knitted together in confusion. Forgiven? He didn’t know he’d been apologizing. Come to think of it what had he done to apologize for? He’d only wanted to smooth things over with her; make sure they were still alright.

It seemed they were. In that case, he saw no point in correcting her about his intentions. That would just start another argument.





“Let me go put these in water,” Diane beamed happily at him as she stepped back taking the flowers from his hand, “I’ll be right back.”

Adam nodded and followed her through the door.





He made himself comfortable on the couch while he waited.

Diane returned a few moments later, dropping herself on his lap.





“Thank you,” she smiled smugly down at him, “The flowers are beautiful.”

“You're welcome,” He flashed her a smile of his own.

“You deserve a reward,” her smile turned sly.

“I do?”





“You do,” she nodded, “For being such a sweet, sensitive boyfriend who will admit when he’s wrong.”

Adam did his best not to frown. He hadn’t been wrong. Not with her anyway.





Diane leaned forward, teeth nipping at his neck.

Adam flinched. He hated when girls did that. It just felt weird. He remembered the first time a girl had tried sucking on his neck. That had been a total disaster.

The girl had been sitting on his lap; a lot like Diane was now; and leaned in, biting gently at first. That was strange enough, but when she’d begun sucking it had felt wrong. His skin had felt prickly and almost painful. Not at all good. He’d felt trapped and a little afraid.

He’d pushed her away, fighting down his rising panic. Unfortunately he’d pushed a little too hard and she’d fallen off his lap and landed with a loud thump on the floor. Only her ego had been damaged, but that was when he had learned the valuable lesson of just how fragile a girl’s ego was as he spent the next several hours apologizing while she cried.





It still felt just as weird though. His skin still felt prickly and there was that almost painful feeling he really didn’t like. Now though, he knew how to deal with it. With Diane he knew how to make her stop, no tears involved.





Sliding a hand over her hip he pulled her closer.

Diane leaned back grinning, “Oh, really.”

Adam didn’t respond. Simply smiled lowering his lips to hers and …





... Nothing.

He felt absolutely nothing.

Sure he could feel the pressure of her lips against his. Maybe a little warmth if he really thought about it and he supposed that it was all nice enough but it did nothing for him. Really it was kind of boring.

Where were the sparks everyone was always talking about? The weak knees and wanting to get lost all the love songs sang about?

Diane seemed to enjoy it though and he took his queues from her responses. By now it was like a script playing through his mind. Tilt head slightly. Increase pressure. Open mouth. Make sound of enthusiasm.





This he could do in his sleep. Sometimes he thought he had because eventually Diane would pull back looking flushed and gasping for breath and he would remember none of it. All he would remember was thinking how funny it was that she just didn’t seem to fit against him. She was bumpy in places he was flat and that made it so they were always leaning back just that little bit more than really seemed necessary.

She was pretty though and popular. He knew he was lucky she was even giving him the time of day. There were lots of other guys who would take his place if he wasn’t careful. Zane for instance. Adam knew for certain Zane’s intentions were not entirely friendly where Diane was concerned.





With that thought in mind he turned his full attention back to the girl on his lap and making sure his place in her affection was well established.

* * *

Two days later Adam paced nervously at the foot of the stairs outside Angelo’s apartment. This had seemed so much easier when he’d first thought of it. Now though, having to walk up those stairs and knock on the door to make his apology, again, had his stomach in knots.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Angelo, he did. He just wasn’t looking forward to getting glared at, or snapped at, or making an ass of himself. All of which were very real possibilities.

Angelo had made it pretty clear last time that he would prefer Adam leave him alone. This was definitely not leaving him alone. This was about as opposite of leaving alone as it was possible to get but he couldn’t leave things the way they were. He had to try.





“What are you doing here?”

Adam snapped his head up at the question.

Angelo was standing on the porch staring almost as if he thought he was hallucinating, or hoped he was. Adam had never been good at reading people’s faces.





“I … uh,” he scrambled for words, the book in his hand momentarily forgotten, “I wanted to talk to you.”

Angelo frowned, pinning Adam with a questioning stare.





Adam stared back. It seemed Angelo did not have trouble reading faces. Feeling rather like a deer caught in headlights, Adam shifted uncomfortably but refused to look away. If Angelo didn’t like what he found with that searching gaze, that was fine, but Adam was not going to back down.





“Fine,” Angelo conceded at last, hefting the trash bag at his feet and making his way down the stairs, “Talk.”





Adam fell into step beside him as they made their way toward the dumpster, “I guess I wanted to apologise. You know for being a jerk.”

“You guess?” Angelo countered, “Shouldn’t you know?”

“I should,” Adam agreed.





“So which is it?” Angelo asked as he tossed the trash bag into the dumpster, “Do you guess or do you know?”

“You aren’t going to make this easy for me are you?” Adam sighed.





Angelo turned, brows raised to regard the other boy. “Would you?”

Ducking his head, Adam gave a small smile, “Probably not.”





They were both silent for a moment before Adam spoke again, “How is your book? Did you manage to save it?”

Angelo seemed to deflate at that, “No, it’s ruined. I just threw it out with the rest of the trash.”





“Oh, good!” Adam exclaimed.

Angelo blinked at him.

“I don’t mean good it’s ruined,” he hurried to add, “Ruined is bad. It is just then you really will have a use for this.”





He held out the book.

Angelo looked down at it frowning, “You didn’t have to do that. It wasn’t you who ruined it.”





“I know,” Adam shrugged, “But I wanted too.”

Angelo glanced up at him, his eyes searching. A moment later he smiled and nodded, “Thank you.”





Adam watched for a moment as Angelo took the book and turned it over in his hands. He had nice hands, very hand shaped and his fingers, long and slender and finger shaped. His sleeves were too long though. Adam kind of wanted to push them back so he could see Angelo’s wrists. He probably had nice wrists too.

“You’re welcome,” Adam murmured, “I was kind of also hoping it would help make up for some of what I said. I really don’t try to be an asshole.”





“Just comes naturally?” Angelo quipped shooting him a smile that told Adam he was joking.

Adam grinned back, “Something like that. So hey, you want to go hang out at the arcade tomorrow? If you aren’t too busy.”

“I think I can spare an hour or two before work,” Angelo nodded, “Will the rest of your friends be there?”





Adam shook his head, “No, I don’t want them to know I’m talking to you.”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth he wanted to snatch them back. That had not come out at all how he had intended it to. The scowl on Angelo’s face only served to emphasis just how very wrongly he had worded that statement.





“I didn’t mean …”

“Save it,” Angelo snapped, turning on his heel and heading back toward the apartment, “I’m busy tomorrow so you won’t have to worry about accidentally being seen with me. Wouldn’t want to embarrass you or anything.”





“I meant they would be dicks about it!” Adam called after him, “I wouldn’t do that to you!”

Angelo was either too far away or too angry to hear him.





Adam sighed, running a hand through his hair. All things considered that couldn’t have gone much worse.

* * *

Angelo glanced up at the sound of the door chimes. It had been a slow night and customers would be a welcome distraction from the mind numbing boredom of counting stock.

Any customers but those.





Doing his best to not be noticed by the group making their way to the tables upstairs, Angelo ducked over beside Rein where she was working on a particularly large cake display.





“Switch me?” he asked hopefully.

Rein turned her head, “You actually want to be doing this instead? I thought you liked dealing with people?”

“I do,” Angelo agreed, “just not those people.”





“Not friends of yours?” she asked glancing up at the group taking a seat at one of the tables.

“Not even a little bit.”

“Anything I need to know?”

“You?” he frowned, “No. Now if you were your brother …”

She rolled her eyes, “Got it. I’ll go deal with them.”





"Thanks, Rein,” he smiled gratefully, “I owe you.”

She waved him off and made her way toward the stairs, “Don’t worry about it.”





Angelo turned his attention to the very large mock cake on the display stand and the box of fake flowers lying beside it waiting to be arranged around the base. He stifled a groan. Flowers, he was terrible with flowers.

Better flowers than dealing with Adam again. He’d had enough of that yesterday. Better anything than dealing with Adam’s bitch of a girlfriend. He would gladly attempt to wrestle flowers into submission rather than try to play nice with any of them. Especially Adam no matter how sexy he looked when he got all shy and flustered.





With a small shake of his head he plucked one of the flowers out of the bundle on the top of the box. Thoughts like that really had to stop. He would just focus on work and forget Adam was even there. Forget he’d ever even met Adam! Yes, that was it. Just forget all about Adam and his way too long lashes over deep brown eyes. Deep brown eyes didn’t mean much when they were attached to a homophobic jerk anyway.





He managed to ‘forget’ for about five minutes before he had to look. A quick sideways glance up to the coffee lounge had him smiling to himself as he tried to remember what it was he’d had planned for the flowers.

Maybe not so homophobic after all.

* * *

Adam was doing his best to make it look like he was paying attention; listening with half an ear, nodding when it seemed appropriate and smiling when everyone else would laugh. In reality he hadn’t heard a word anyone had said in the past twenty minutes.

Not since he’d noticed Angelo.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he was aware he should not be fascinated by the hypnotic flexing of the muscles across Angelo’s shoulders as he worked. He was though. He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off the sight for more than a few moments at a time. He blamed the sequins. At least he thought they were sequins. Maybe not, it was hard to tell from this distance.

Whatever it was that made the uniform sparkly though, that was obviously to blame. Who wouldn’t be fascinated by it? It was like watching the light play across an Angelo shaped disco ball. The clingy fabric moved when he moved. The light almost seemed to roll across the surface mimicking the motion of the muscles underneath.

Not that Angelo was all that muscular. More sinuous. Was that even a word? He thought it was a word and in any case it seemed to fit. Angelo was sinuous, lean, toned and beautif …





“Adam!” Diane snapped, “Are you listening?”

Adam jerked his head around, “What?”

A wave of sniggering went around the table.





“I think he was distracted,” Zane smirked, “Can’t imagine by what.”

Adam frowned.

Leaning back in her chair Diane glared at him, “I asked if you were ready to go.”

“Oh!” Adam nodded, “Yeah, whenever you guys are.”





His friends stared down at the plate on the table in front of him.

Adam chanced a glance as well. He hadn’t even touched his pastry. Shit.





“Come on,” Diane said, annoyed, as she stood from the table, “Let’s go. I want to see if they have one more thing before we leave.”





They made their way down the stairs, Adam trailing behind the others. What the hell was wrong with him? Sparkly shirt or not, he’d been staring at Angelo. Staring so much his friends had noticed.

Or had they? They’d noticed that he wasn’t paying attention but maybe they hadn’t noticed what he had been paying attention to. If they had noticed they would have said something wouldn’t they? They weren’t exactly the type to keep something like that quiet.

The more he thought about it the more likely it was that they hadn’t worked out where his attention had been and that was just fine with him. Now if only he could work out why his attention had been so narrowly focused there he would feel a whole lot better about everything.





Diane approached the counter wearing a wide, friendly smile.

Rein looked up from the clipboard in her hand, “How can I help you?”

“I’d like a fruitcake.”

“I’m sorry,” Rein replied patiently, “those are seasonal. We won’t have any until November.”

“But Adam here really wants a fruitcake,” Diane pressed on.





Angelo snapped his head up, the flowers in his hand completely forgotten in his growing sense of dread. She wouldn’t.

“What?” Adam was puzzled, “No I don’t. I don’t even like fruitcake.”

Diane turned to him with a wicked smile, “Of course you do.”

“We won’t have any in stock until November,” Rein repeated, “Is there something else I can get for you?”





“No,” Adam insisted, “I don’t.”

“Funny,” Diane took a step toward the door, paused and pointed at Angelo, “because you were sure staring at that one long enough.”





Adam’s jaw dropped open as he watched his friends make a hasty retreat, laughing amongst themselves as they went.

Angelo swore under his breath. She fucking did. Somehow he hadn’t actually expected Diane to be quite that much of a bitch. He should have. He hadn’t. For the moment he was too shocked to even register his usual anger or the silk flower he was thoroughly mangling in his clenched fist.





Rein levelled a glare at Adam, “It would be appreciated if you would leave as well.”

“But … I didn’t … She …” Adam stammered. Then his shoulders slumped and he nodded, “Okay.”

“And please pass along the message to your friends that they are no longer welcome here,” Rein added.





Adam nodded once more as he shuffled toward the door.

Angelo watched him go. He shouldn’t feel bad for him, not after everything that had happened between them, but he did.





“I don’t think he wasn’t in on it,” Rein commented quietly as the door closed behind Adam.

“He wasn’t,” Angelo agreed.

Rein stared down at the floor, “Should I have let him stay?”

Angelo shook his head, “No. I have already heard everything he has to say.”






Though a part of him really wished he hadn’t.

* * *

Adam stood on the sidewalk staring after his friends. Former friends? That was now a possibility. He was beyond angry and had made that perfectly clear when he’d caught up to them. He’d demanded an explanation. All he’d gotten was laughter and ‘Go ask your little homo. I’m sure he can explain it to you’ from Zane before they had walked away.

Now that he thought about it they were definitely former friends. He would rather spend an eternity being snapped at by Angelo than put up with their petty shit. Their petty shit that didn’t even make sense! At least Angelo told him straight up what he’d done wrong when he screwed up. Now if he could just stop screwing up.





He heard the soft click of a door closing off to his left and glanced over at the sound. He watched as Angelo slumped against the wall, digging in his pockets for something.

Even from this distance he could see the stung expression on the other boy’s face. A pang of guilt stabbed through him at the sight. He’d been at least partially responsible for putting that look there. Angelo did not deserve to be hurt, not if there was anything he could do about it.





Squaring his shoulders he took a determined step toward Angelo. He had helped put that look there; he had to try to make it go away again.





“So can I talk or have you totally written me off as an asshole?” he asked quietly as he approached.

The piercing gaze Angelo levelled on him almost had Adam turning around and walking away again. He wouldn’t though, he had to fix this.

“You can talk,” Angelo conceded at last, “But the asshole part is well established.”





“Well okay, but before you bite my head off again, I’m sorry. That was uncalled for and I don’t know why she said it, but I am sorry she did and that I had something to do with it.”

“Really?” Angelo shook his head with a small disbelieving snort, “You can’t think of any reason she might have decided to be the world’s biggest bitch like that?”

“No,” Adam frowned, “Except for some reason she seriously doesn’t like you.”

“Yeah,” Angelo chuckled dryly, “I wonder why that is?”





Adam scratched his head, “Okay, that was sarcasm.”

“It was,” Angelo tossed the butt of his cigarette to the ground and stepped on it, “Glad you can at least figure that part out.”





Adam sighed, “I don’t guess there is anything I can say that would help is there?”

“You can try, but so far you are not doing so good on that front.”

Adam nodded, “I know.”

They stood in silence for a moment.





Angelo pulled another cigarette from the pack in his pocket lighting it before leaning back against the wall, inhaling deeply.

Adam shifted nervously, “I really don’t know why she said it.”

“I know you don’t,” Angelo seemed to deflate at that, “I am a little on edge right now though.”

Adam nodded, “Yeah. I can understand that I guess. Things never go really well with us.”

“No,” Angelo agreed, “They really don’t.”





Silence again.

Adam searched his mind for something to say. So far he had managed to not get snapped at. This was a new record for conversations with Angelo and he would kind of like to keep it that way.





His attention fell on the glowing end of the cigarette between Angelo’s fingers. He really did have nice hands and for once, with the short sleeves of the bakery uniform, he could see his wrists.

“You do have nice wrists,” Adam commented almost to himself.





Angelo furled his brows, “What?”

“Sorry,” Adam ducked his head staring at the ground, “I was mostly just thinking out loud.”

“About my wrists?”

Adam’s cheeks reddened slightly, “Umm, yeah.”

Angelo continued to stare at him questioning, a slight smirk playing about his lips.





Adam shifted uncomfortably, “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Look at you like what?”

“Like you think I’m weird or something.”

“I don’t think you’re weird.”

“You just always wear that shirt with the sleeves too long,” Adam explained, fidgeting, “and you have nice hands and I wondered …”





He trailed off as Angelo’s smirk morphed into a grin.

“Shit,” he sighed, “That sounds really bad doesn’t it?”

“I don’t know if I would say ‘bad’ so much as …”

“Really gay,” Adam grumbled.





Angelo blinked, “Gay?”

“Not gay as in ‘oh my god that is so gay’,” Adam hurried to explain, “Gay like, queer gay, but not like weird queer, more like fag queer. Okay, maybe not fag, you know what I mean gay as in like …”





“Cock-jockey?” Angelo supplied through clenched teeth, crushing the remainder of his cigarette beneath his boot.

“Yeah! Like cock-jockey!” Adam nodded his lips starting to turn up into a relieved smile before he blanched realizing what he’d said, “Wait. No. Not that either.”





Adam’s shoulders slumped, “What word am I supposed to use here?”

“It doesn’t matter what word you use,” Angelo sighed, “as long as you are still thinking the bullshit it is going to sound like bullshit.”





“Well I don’t know!” Adam insisted, “It isn’t like I have ever had the chance to talk to a lot of them.”

“Them?” Angelo demanded, “Them? What? Suddenly gay makes you completely separate from everyone else?”

“That isn’t what I meant,” Adam snapped back, “I said them because they are different. I didn’t say it was wrong, just different from the normal people.”





Angelo stared at him, mouth hanging open.

Adam groaned out loud.

“You really just said ‘normal’ didn’t you?” Angelo asked after a moment.





“And that is so not what I meant,” Adam collapsed back against the wall, “If it is alright with you though I am going to stop trying to explain because I just keep digging the hole deeper when I do try.”

Angelo nodded, still slightly stunned, “Stop explaining. Please.”

“I’m not an asshole,” Adam mumbled, “I just sound like one.”





“Funny thing about sounding like an asshole,” Angelo countered, “you usually have to be one to pull off the effect.”

Adam ran a tired hand through his hair. Just once he would like things to go the way he wanted them too with Angelo. Just once he would like to be able to not end up arguing with him.

“I am not going to be able to change your mind about that am I?” he asked.

“So far every time you have tried you either make some incredibly jackass dense comment or your skank of a girlfriend insults me,” Angelo snarked back, “I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you.”





“What the hell is it about you?” Adam sighed.

Angelo stared at him.

“We start out having a normal conversation and somehow I fuck it up,” Adam explained his shoulders slumping.





“It’s possible you just suck at conversations.”

“No,” Adam shook his head, “I can have conversations. I do it all the time. It’s you.”

Angelo snorted, “So now I am to blame for your social ineptitude? Wow. Thanks. I feel so special.”





Adam threw his hands in the air, “See that is exactly what I am talking about. That isn’t what I meant, but I can’t seem to say what I mean when I am talking to you. I don’t get it. I keep trying and I just keep fucking up.”

Angelo regarded him for a long moment, “Maybe you need to figure out what it is you do mean before you can say it?”





Adam rolled his eyes, “I know what I mean …”

Angelo was suddenly right there, in his face.

“Then say it.”





“Say it,” Angelo repeated, his voice dropping, “If you know what you mean say it.”

“I …” Adam was suddenly at a loss for words. What was it he had meant?





“Yeah,” Angelo snorted turning on his heel to head back inside, “That’s what I thought.”

Once again Adam found himself staring after Angelo, things having gone exactly the opposite of what he’d wanted. This was becoming a routine.





“Shit,” he murmured, lashing out at the wall in frustration. Why did he even try? Why did it matter so damn much anyway? He couldn’t remember.





Squaring his shoulders he turned and headed for the sidewalk. He would be better off if he just gave up. Forgot about the annoying little jackass and moved on. Whatever his reasons had been, they didn’t matter now. It wasn’t worth the effort.

*****************

Comments

[amochan8878.livejournal.com]

GAAAAAA! Friggin' Teenagers! I swear!

I'm really hoping Angelo decides to cut a bitch though.
Oh, yeah...thanks for the panty shot O.o

[genlisae.livejournal.com]

I had a panty shot?

.....

I totally had a panty shot. Opps! And You're welcome!

:D Friggin' teenagers indeed. I ♥ them so hard! So much angst, so much senseless drama, so much "Oh fuck! One day THESE will be adults!" ...

[remisims.livejournal.com]

Oh, hopeless Adam, why are you being so hopeless? D: Don't give up!

( Also, Yay! for more CD! :D )

[genlisae.livejournal.com]

LOL! I asked that same question! In all seriousness though, I am a little surprised he tried as much as he did. I mean really, if you were him trying to deal with Angelo wouldn't you sort of get the urge to barricade yourself in like a bomb shelter or something?

... Yeah, I thought way too much about that.

[simlili.livejournal.com]

Aren't they sweet!
Well it was worth waiting for chapter 2, although we still don't know whether or not he managed to read any of his book this time!
Great sets, as usual! Loved your love of dumpsters :p
OMG panty shot! And yet again, you conveniently totally didn't mean it..^^

[genlisae.livejournal.com]

LOL I so didn't mean it :(

And yeah, I think this is the slowest book read ever. Poor Angelo.

... also, I do have a dumpster theme going on don't I?