This one so needs the excited Tel face!
Dec. 17th, 2011 11:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
genlisaeAbsolutely the coolest thing in like forever! For me at least, you guys probably won't care, but I am super excited and need to talk about it.
K, so when I was about 14 (maybe 15, I don't really remember, the years blur together after a while) My uncle got married. The woman he married had two children my age. Both of them were alright, the girl was okay, but anyone who has ever been a teenage girl knows there is this thing where other girls you just don't know very well and there isn't an instant connection are mostly competition. Not at all helped by the fact I thought she was hot in a cute, button nose sort of way and there was no way in hell I was telling her that when I hadn't even begun to acknowledge it myself. Her brother though, absolutely adorable. Like the embodiment of cool in an awkward dork package.
What the hell is it about teenagers that they can't say what they are thinking?
Yeah, we hung out a bit, sneaking out for a smoke together when he was "doomed" to be unfortunate enough to have to spend time at my house. Some of those cigarettes not being composed entirely of tobacco (I thought I was so clever at the time! Way better to just get caught smoking right? And my parents were naturally, by virtue of them being parents, too stupid to know pot when they smelled it). They both transferred to the same high school I went to and we would pass each other in the halls, but that was about it. I stopped more ass kickings from coming his way than I think he even knows about. A lot of my pseudo-friends were the "tough" types and as they told me on many, many, occasions, "There is something weird about that new Jason guy. He's just not right." This naturally meant they wanted to beat the shit out of him. You know, for breathing.
I kind of wanted to hang out with both of them more at the time, and no, not just because his sister was cute. There was this gut instinct that in the case of Jason at least, here was a friend I could be myself with, something I have only ever managed with three people, one of which is in another country and another is dead. But you know, there were reputations, both mine and theirs. I had worked very hard to cultivate the reputation of being the pudgy bitch no one really wanted to talk to and thought was weird and extremely uncool, but totally the one to go to if you just wanted to get laid. Yeah, I embodied the term "slut". I was the nasty little secret of about half the male population of that school and it worked for me, it kept anyone from getting too close and that was exactly what I wanted. Why would I go to these new cousins I had just acquired and actually try to forge a friendship? It would do none of us any good, least of all me. Imagine the disaster if they had really gotten to know me and let slip that the iron shell, fuck the world (possibly literally) attitude I tried to convey was completely an act and in reality I meticulously maintained a small, hidden garden even my parents barely knew about just to make something, somewhere, make sense and feel like I was worth something, read Shakespeare because I actually enjoyed the work and cried when people stepped on bugs? I am sure a lot of people saw through the image I portrayed, if they even thought about me at all. I was kind of aiming for the not thinking about part so the less I crossed their minds, the better.
As you can probably imagine these new cousins of mine stayed nodding acquaintances at best more like dimly acknowledged people whose names you know and nothing else. It kind of hurt at the time, but in typical teen fashion I ignored it. So much easier than acknowledging what is essentially the unattainable. Then I dropped out of school.
Dropped off the social calendar entirely and people who used to say they were my friends (probably not to other people of course, I am sure they had whole other dictionaries of terms if they ever had to acknowledge me to others) don't even recognize me anymore. I recognize them, but they don't recognize me. Except I didn't recognize him.
My uncle's 50th birthday party was tonight. We went, though admittedly I didn't want to, I don't do well in crowds of people, family or not. At one point I went outside with my sister to once more be one of the "uncool" and socially awkward and be forced to make small talk with the other smokers hanging around outside. Then this guy came out. The light was behind him so I only dimly saw his face and he looked kind of familiar. A conversation about the washing of the dishes started up between him, my sister, my aunt (the one who married my uncle when I was 15 and I think I have seen about three times since) and another woman. He admitted he really enjoyed washing dishes, attempts were made to convince him that our dishes needed washing at home, etc, etc, The usual stumbling of conversation with complete strangers. Then he asked who we were. My aunt awkwardly apologized for not introducing us, couldn't remember for sure if we were nieces, grand nieces or somehow otherwise attached to her sister-in-law. I took over and introduced my sister and myself. Only I introduced myself as Kate, which I have been known as for the past 16 or so years.
He kind of laughed and said "Oh so we are related then? I'm Jason."
I think it took me a full two minutes to come out with the ever intelligent "What? No way."
Queue me standing there stunned, repeating "No way." and staring like an idiot, making him turn so he wasn't back lit and then going "Jesus christ, you really are." To which he replied, "I really am, but I don't remember a Kate, who are your parents?" My sister piped in with "Our mom is Pat."
I could see the gears turning in his head because as far as he knows, my mother never had a "Kate".
I saved him, "You knew me as Kathy."
Next thing I know, there is hugging and "Shit, it has been forever"s on both counts and people asking how long it has been that we didn't recognize each other. The answer to that? Eighteen years. He is also one hell of a lot taller than I remember probably on account of me having not grown and him having grown what seems to be well over a foot.
I didn't realize how much I still regretted not making the effort eighteen years ago and I am still ridiculously excited and very glad I did go.
Unfortunately all of this happened toward the end of the evening, but he has my email. I made the effort this time.
K, so when I was about 14 (maybe 15, I don't really remember, the years blur together after a while) My uncle got married. The woman he married had two children my age. Both of them were alright, the girl was okay, but anyone who has ever been a teenage girl knows there is this thing where other girls you just don't know very well and there isn't an instant connection are mostly competition. Not at all helped by the fact I thought she was hot in a cute, button nose sort of way and there was no way in hell I was telling her that when I hadn't even begun to acknowledge it myself. Her brother though, absolutely adorable. Like the embodiment of cool in an awkward dork package.
What the hell is it about teenagers that they can't say what they are thinking?
Yeah, we hung out a bit, sneaking out for a smoke together when he was "doomed" to be unfortunate enough to have to spend time at my house. Some of those cigarettes not being composed entirely of tobacco (I thought I was so clever at the time! Way better to just get caught smoking right? And my parents were naturally, by virtue of them being parents, too stupid to know pot when they smelled it). They both transferred to the same high school I went to and we would pass each other in the halls, but that was about it. I stopped more ass kickings from coming his way than I think he even knows about. A lot of my pseudo-friends were the "tough" types and as they told me on many, many, occasions, "There is something weird about that new Jason guy. He's just not right." This naturally meant they wanted to beat the shit out of him. You know, for breathing.
I kind of wanted to hang out with both of them more at the time, and no, not just because his sister was cute. There was this gut instinct that in the case of Jason at least, here was a friend I could be myself with, something I have only ever managed with three people, one of which is in another country and another is dead. But you know, there were reputations, both mine and theirs. I had worked very hard to cultivate the reputation of being the pudgy bitch no one really wanted to talk to and thought was weird and extremely uncool, but totally the one to go to if you just wanted to get laid. Yeah, I embodied the term "slut". I was the nasty little secret of about half the male population of that school and it worked for me, it kept anyone from getting too close and that was exactly what I wanted. Why would I go to these new cousins I had just acquired and actually try to forge a friendship? It would do none of us any good, least of all me. Imagine the disaster if they had really gotten to know me and let slip that the iron shell, fuck the world (possibly literally) attitude I tried to convey was completely an act and in reality I meticulously maintained a small, hidden garden even my parents barely knew about just to make something, somewhere, make sense and feel like I was worth something, read Shakespeare because I actually enjoyed the work and cried when people stepped on bugs? I am sure a lot of people saw through the image I portrayed, if they even thought about me at all. I was kind of aiming for the not thinking about part so the less I crossed their minds, the better.
As you can probably imagine these new cousins of mine stayed nodding acquaintances at best more like dimly acknowledged people whose names you know and nothing else. It kind of hurt at the time, but in typical teen fashion I ignored it. So much easier than acknowledging what is essentially the unattainable. Then I dropped out of school.
Dropped off the social calendar entirely and people who used to say they were my friends (probably not to other people of course, I am sure they had whole other dictionaries of terms if they ever had to acknowledge me to others) don't even recognize me anymore. I recognize them, but they don't recognize me. Except I didn't recognize him.
My uncle's 50th birthday party was tonight. We went, though admittedly I didn't want to, I don't do well in crowds of people, family or not. At one point I went outside with my sister to once more be one of the "uncool" and socially awkward and be forced to make small talk with the other smokers hanging around outside. Then this guy came out. The light was behind him so I only dimly saw his face and he looked kind of familiar. A conversation about the washing of the dishes started up between him, my sister, my aunt (the one who married my uncle when I was 15 and I think I have seen about three times since) and another woman. He admitted he really enjoyed washing dishes, attempts were made to convince him that our dishes needed washing at home, etc, etc, The usual stumbling of conversation with complete strangers. Then he asked who we were. My aunt awkwardly apologized for not introducing us, couldn't remember for sure if we were nieces, grand nieces or somehow otherwise attached to her sister-in-law. I took over and introduced my sister and myself. Only I introduced myself as Kate, which I have been known as for the past 16 or so years.
He kind of laughed and said "Oh so we are related then? I'm Jason."
I think it took me a full two minutes to come out with the ever intelligent "What? No way."
Queue me standing there stunned, repeating "No way." and staring like an idiot, making him turn so he wasn't back lit and then going "Jesus christ, you really are." To which he replied, "I really am, but I don't remember a Kate, who are your parents?" My sister piped in with "Our mom is Pat."
I could see the gears turning in his head because as far as he knows, my mother never had a "Kate".
I saved him, "You knew me as Kathy."
Next thing I know, there is hugging and "Shit, it has been forever"s on both counts and people asking how long it has been that we didn't recognize each other. The answer to that? Eighteen years. He is also one hell of a lot taller than I remember probably on account of me having not grown and him having grown what seems to be well over a foot.
I didn't realize how much I still regretted not making the effort eighteen years ago and I am still ridiculously excited and very glad I did go.
Unfortunately all of this happened toward the end of the evening, but he has my email. I made the effort this time.
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no subject
Date: 2011-12-18 09:06 am (UTC)-- anyway, good for you. Isn't it nice not to be a teenager anymore?
no subject
Date: 2011-12-18 09:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-19 11:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-19 11:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-18 04:58 pm (UTC)BTW I've been meaning to tell you this forever, K, but remove the link to my 'Phoenix Springs' story from your reading list as that story has been shot execution style nevermore to return but hopefully sometime thereabouts this spring I will (hopefully) bring to life a new story.
no subject
Date: 2011-12-19 11:47 pm (UTC)Story removed (and now I sadface at you) completely gone?
no subject
Date: 2011-12-19 11:50 pm (UTC)*turns that frown upside down* Yup. it is...I had lots of ideas, but I think I got too ahead of myself with it and it just went "kablewy!" \o/ Hopefully this one will not, so cross your fingers.
no subject
Date: 2011-12-19 12:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-19 11:49 pm (UTC)