There is like a permanent head shaped dent in my desk.

[genlisae]

I have been more out of it than I realized. I have been trying, for awhile now to work out who this one person on my f-list is. They keep sharing these beautiful shots and I get this nagging feeling of familiarity from the style, I could even tell you exactly who the style reminds me of but I just can't work out who this person is, or when I added them to my f-list! I didn't occur to me to do anything intelligent, like go and actually look at their LJ, every time I did I got sidetracked admiring and studying the shots and everything else just went *poof* (possibly in shiny, pretty rainbow text effect with blinky stars on either end. Seriously. Epic train of thought poofage.)

There I am scrolling through the f-list tonight and this person has shared another image since I checked the f-list last and again I completely recognized the style and I thought to myself: "That still totally looks like an <insert name of person who has been on my f-list for awhile>." Then it clicked and I sprouted a smidgeon of smarts and went and actually looked at their LJ without the sidetracking.

So, umm, person who has been on my f-list for awhile, should you happen to read this, how long ago did you change your username? *blushes* Right now I am feeling totally dense for not noticing sooner. It is no wonder I recognized the image style, I just didn't clue in about the name change!

*headdesk 1*

I had my follow up appointment this afternoon re: "The Thing". It is still a thing! It is decidedly not cancer, for absolute sure this time. Really, really. Only they haven't a clue what it really is. They don't recognize the cell structure, it will not culture bacteria or fungus, it is just a thing ... of unknown origin.

*headdesk 2*

They would like to remove this thing surgically.

*headdesk 3*

This delightful bit of news came on day 5 of quitting smoking.

*HEAD-FRICKEN-DESK!*

Could my timing suck more? Yes, Kate, it is a brilliant time to quit smoking when you are stressed all to hell anyway, still feel like you have been stabbed with the added fun of continuing to occasionally cough up tiny specks of blood and have what is shaping up to be one of the great mysteries of the world growing in your upper right lung!

I could really use a cigarette about now.

Seriously.

Comments

[bolob.livejournal.com]

*cushions your head-desk-banging- w a bowl of jello* breathe woman. No 1. Is there any guarantee that this surgery will help your condition? No 2. If you're having lung problems or wtfever, stopping smoking is a GOOD thing, tho it might not seem like it right now. Go suck pepperments or something - or hell, buy those wator vapor cigaretttes 8D lol *hugs*

Any progress in figuring out what the hell is going on w your folders n crap w your game? :(

[genlisae.livejournal.com]

You have never really smoked have you?

I have mint burns on my tongue, cracked a tooth "over enthusiastically" chewing gum and the electronic cigarettes with no nicotine just don't damn well work. Not even a little bit.

It isn't a matter of not knowing it is better for me, at this point it is a matter of I really just don't give a damn.

There is this moment on the first drag of a cigarette, especially that fist smoke of the day, that is like a little hint of Utopia. The smoke rolls smooth past your tongue, there is the "kick" in the back of your throat as it passes and then bliss as it hits your lungs and you can feel it spread out, tingling along your veins. Following that tingling is a wave of perfect, peaceful calm. You become completely unshakable, the building could explode around you and it would be okay. You could handle it. Dealing with it would be trivial.

Right now I need that calm and am getting progressively more pissed at the people telling me I can't have it. I am not dealing well, not at all. I am a jittery, anxious mess.

So no, I haven't made any progress with my game, it is the least of my priorities right now.

[bolob.livejournal.com]

I did give it a try when I was starting college, and i'd rather be content w an addiction to chocolate, so that tells you how well that went for me.

I was kidding about the electric ones. I've heard the same from other friends of mine who are smokers.

There's absolutely nothing else that'll calm you down? :(