You know that moment when ...

[genlisae]

Okay, I kind of fell off the internet. It happens. Anyway, picture this: You have pages and pages of notes and outlines and tons of stuff written and you know, I mean that point where you KNOW exactly where everything is going plot wise. You practically breathe your plot, dream it, see it playing out behind your closed eyelids (and your eyes are open). You know that feeling right? Only with one thing or another it has been forever since you worked on it and even though you are pretty sure everyone else has forgotten about it that's okay because you aren't writing it for them, you are writing for you because you have to get this damn thing out of your head so you can find some peace and you think "Maybe I can skip the images part and just carry on with a traditional, text only style". Closure right? Closure is good.

So you pick up your notes and ...

... Have NO idea what happens next.

I can't remember.

Nothing.

The parts that have been swirling around in my head happen much later and there is a ton of stuff that has to come first before any of it will make any sense, only I don't remember what half of that stuff is. I did. I made notes about it. Notes that don't make any sense anymore.

My first urge is to say "Fuck it" and give up on the whole thing. Then I wonder if that is really what I want to do or is it just because I am frustrated (with way more stuff than just the story) or because I think it ultimately sucks (I do, but that never stopped me before!) or is it because my head hurts and this is just one more thing making my head hurt more and I really, desperately, intensely want my head to stop hurting? Just for a minute even and maybe if I just stop, so will my head?

None of these are good reasons, I know this. I also know this whole entry sounds more than a little unstable. I am as stable as I always am! Just maybe not as filtered. I will let you know if I randomly lean out of the car window in downtown Victoria traffic and shout at some guy in a car he thinks is hot "Hey, Buddy! You're penis extension is short and stubby!" ... again. That is usually a pretty clear sign my internal filter is shot to hell.

Right. Venting over. Still confused and frustrated and headachey. Have talked myself out of saying "Fuck it" though. If I did that I would be loosing sight of why I started this story in the first place and then I would still be confused and frustrated and headachey with a very liberal sprinkling of extremely P.O.ed with myself. That would be bad. Story will continue. When and how? Hell if I know.

Comments

[ritaxis.livejournal.com]

This happens to me every time I have a substantial hiatus in a thing, to a greater or lesser degree.

Often -- not always but I think more often than not -- working through this leads to a stronger story in the long run.

At the risk of being utterly wrong because I'm not even near where you are, I would guess that the story is not what is making your head hurt even more, it's the frustration, and that if you stop working on the story you won't feel relief, you'll feel more annoyance because you got blocked from doing a thing you love.

so . . . you can see where I'm going wit this.

For completely unselfish reasons, of course.