You know that moment when ...

[genlisae]

Okay, I kind of fell off the internet. It happens. Anyway, picture this: You have pages and pages of notes and outlines and tons of stuff written and you know, I mean that point where you KNOW exactly where everything is going plot wise. You practically breathe your plot, dream it, see it playing out behind your closed eyelids (and your eyes are open). You know that feeling right? Only with one thing or another it has been forever since you worked on it and even though you are pretty sure everyone else has forgotten about it that's okay because you aren't writing it for them, you are writing for you because you have to get this damn thing out of your head so you can find some peace and you think "Maybe I can skip the images part and just carry on with a traditional, text only style". Closure right? Closure is good.

So you pick up your notes and ...

... Have NO idea what happens next.

I can't remember.

Nothing.

The parts that have been swirling around in my head happen much later and there is a ton of stuff that has to come first before any of it will make any sense, only I don't remember what half of that stuff is. I did. I made notes about it. Notes that don't make any sense anymore.

My first urge is to say "Fuck it" and give up on the whole thing. Then I wonder if that is really what I want to do or is it just because I am frustrated (with way more stuff than just the story) or because I think it ultimately sucks (I do, but that never stopped me before!) or is it because my head hurts and this is just one more thing making my head hurt more and I really, desperately, intensely want my head to stop hurting? Just for a minute even and maybe if I just stop, so will my head?

None of these are good reasons, I know this. I also know this whole entry sounds more than a little unstable. I am as stable as I always am! Just maybe not as filtered. I will let you know if I randomly lean out of the car window in downtown Victoria traffic and shout at some guy in a car he thinks is hot "Hey, Buddy! You're penis extension is short and stubby!" ... again. That is usually a pretty clear sign my internal filter is shot to hell.

Right. Venting over. Still confused and frustrated and headachey. Have talked myself out of saying "Fuck it" though. If I did that I would be loosing sight of why I started this story in the first place and then I would still be confused and frustrated and headachey with a very liberal sprinkling of extremely P.O.ed with myself. That would be bad. Story will continue. When and how? Hell if I know.

Comments

[amochan8878.livejournal.com]

Ok, so...pain is super bad and I'm totally in the boat with you on the shit of headaches. Also, pills suck balls.
But, I"m in agreement with most that it's more than likely the frustration that is keeping away the story. I'm soooo gonna sound like a hypocrite here (and I'm well aware of it, thank you verymuch), but working through it will help. Just start writing Tel porn and then all the rest will fall into place.

And never forget the horrible horrible possibility of an irate and potentially crazy Hoosier woman hopping a boarder (illegally cause she's no passport) to not only holler at you, but maybe dress as a chubby cheerleader and scare the bejesus out of mathew.

Never. Forget.