Done with Chemo!
Dec. 12th, 2012 05:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
genlisaeWell, round one anyway. Still 3 more rounds to go. My bestest stabby friend is gone for a few weeks though. This is a huge plus for me. A huge minus for today is the lack of sleep from yesterday. I did go pick up the other pills though (well, Mom did. Thank you mommy!) ... and a borrowed blood pressure monitor because I have a family history (3 of 4 in my immediate family who have taken it so far) who have the side effect of dangerously low blood pressure from taking these pills. The funny is it is just dimenhydrinate (brand name Gravol) which is not even prescription and ridiculously common.
I know I have mentioned a time or two (okay, more than that, it's an irksome thing for me) about attitude. I want to state again that I do understand the emotional rollercoaster. Really, I am just one of those irritating people who moves through the entirety of that rollercoaster in a matter of minutes - a few hours at most - and then I am in a space of "This is what needs to be done, let's do it." and the emotions rarely, if ever come back into play. I just don't understand how people linger on the rollercoaster. I love actual rollercoasters! Just not emotional ones and I can't work out why people would choose to stay on them. Is it even a choice? I am getting the feeling it might not be a choice.
I didn't colour today, I was too tired from not sleeping. So I watched the rest of the room. The head huggers were there again today. I know I have mentioned them before. He is the patient, I don't know for certain what kind of cancer he has, I don't really think it matters, his prognosis is good, he is young, younger than me, and expected to make a full recovery. So, how does this translate to his wife/girlfriend/whatever needing to lean over and hug him, AROUND THE HEAD, and hold his head while he cries!? Why does he feel the need to cry more than he does anything else? Why does she need to cry even more than he does? Why must they both sit there, beside me and CRY for hours??? And why, dear gods WHY, when both of them manage to not be crying does she feel the need to run her fingers over the screen of their shared laptop every 2-3 minutes as she points something out to him on whatever they are jointly writing?
... Okay, that last one was totally a whole other thing for me which you can read about here if you want to know. Screen touchers are horrible, terrible people >:|
I also mentioned, yesterday I think it was, that the lady with no weekend biology was there, and crying. I am going to move past her crying for the most part, except that it will help paint a more complete picture of this particular brain bank.
Back a few weeks ago, this woman, and her ever doting husband (which, yay for him, he has FAR more patience than I) were in the same general chemo information class as I was. When the, also very patient, nurse got to the part where she was going over the time when our blood counts would be lowest and explaining that the times we would be most susspetable to infection would be from day 7-14 (on average), WITH A POWER POINT PRESENTATION CLEARLY SHOWING A CALENDAR PAGE WITH 7 DAYS PER WEEK CLEARLY MARKED FOR ONE FULL WEEK WITH NUMBERS COUNTING THE DAYS (seriously, this could not have been more clear), this woman raised her hand and said "But we don't count weekends in those days right? Because we only get treatment between Monday and Friday so Saturday and Sunday would be days we don't count in that, right?"
At this point, my child, who insisted on attending this class (she has this thing with wanting to know what is going on with her Mom, go figure) audibly thumped her head on the table. The rest of the room, including the nurse, looked as if they were impersonating a beached salmon.
I would also like to point out that this woman is also expected to make a full recovery, she was given (as she so likes to share) a 90% or greater chance of complete recovery ... and yet she cries. ALL THE TIME!
Both of these are only single examples of what amounts to the general attitude in this room and it was all brought into sharp contrast by the man directly across from me today. He was overheard to mention to his visitor that this was his 3rd round of treatment and it was his second round with this same cancer. It had been in remission until just a few months ago.
I am seriously worried for him. He has that look. Emaciated, pale, shaky, sunken eyes. I told him I really wanted to see him back there when I come back in 3 weeks. He smiled, laughed and said "Yeah, that is the plan."
No tears, no worry, just making the best of it.
Should things not go according to plan for me, he is the example I want to follow. I have no doubt he is scared but he is showing no signs of letting that fear control his situation.
I wanted to clarify all of that up there because I am getting the feeling that a lot of people were not understanding where I am coming from on this. I hope that helped clear it up. I am not completely heartless and unable to understand, I just don't see the point in letting the fear take over. It isn't helpful.
A couple cool things today, of which I have pics.
Okay, one of them was kind of an eyerolling "of course" moment.
This, is a very fuzzy pic of the pump that delivers the chemo medication to the IV in my arm. It was on the last bag before my bestest stabby friend got removed for a few weeks ... which I was REALLY looking forward to!
Ignore the top (99.91) number. The next one down (714 ml/hr) is the rate at which the medication had been being delivered over the past 44 minutes. Yes, HAD BEEN.
That bottom number there? That is how much was left to deliver. A whole 9.74 ml a few minutes at most. Right under that you will see a white portion of the screen. At the top of that screen it reads "AIR-IN_LINE" and the whole thing had stopped. Of course!
I was in chair #4 today, the 12 main chairs having had holiday decorations put up over night.
Any guesses on what the other 11 numbers had beneath them? :P
And, finally, the really cool.
We all got one of these today, courtesy of a paitent who finished their chemo yesterday.
How cool is that?
I know I have mentioned a time or two (okay, more than that, it's an irksome thing for me) about attitude. I want to state again that I do understand the emotional rollercoaster. Really, I am just one of those irritating people who moves through the entirety of that rollercoaster in a matter of minutes - a few hours at most - and then I am in a space of "This is what needs to be done, let's do it." and the emotions rarely, if ever come back into play. I just don't understand how people linger on the rollercoaster. I love actual rollercoasters! Just not emotional ones and I can't work out why people would choose to stay on them. Is it even a choice? I am getting the feeling it might not be a choice.
I didn't colour today, I was too tired from not sleeping. So I watched the rest of the room. The head huggers were there again today. I know I have mentioned them before. He is the patient, I don't know for certain what kind of cancer he has, I don't really think it matters, his prognosis is good, he is young, younger than me, and expected to make a full recovery. So, how does this translate to his wife/girlfriend/whatever needing to lean over and hug him, AROUND THE HEAD, and hold his head while he cries!? Why does he feel the need to cry more than he does anything else? Why does she need to cry even more than he does? Why must they both sit there, beside me and CRY for hours??? And why, dear gods WHY, when both of them manage to not be crying does she feel the need to run her fingers over the screen of their shared laptop every 2-3 minutes as she points something out to him on whatever they are jointly writing?
... Okay, that last one was totally a whole other thing for me which you can read about here if you want to know. Screen touchers are horrible, terrible people >:|
I also mentioned, yesterday I think it was, that the lady with no weekend biology was there, and crying. I am going to move past her crying for the most part, except that it will help paint a more complete picture of this particular brain bank.
Back a few weeks ago, this woman, and her ever doting husband (which, yay for him, he has FAR more patience than I) were in the same general chemo information class as I was. When the, also very patient, nurse got to the part where she was going over the time when our blood counts would be lowest and explaining that the times we would be most susspetable to infection would be from day 7-14 (on average), WITH A POWER POINT PRESENTATION CLEARLY SHOWING A CALENDAR PAGE WITH 7 DAYS PER WEEK CLEARLY MARKED FOR ONE FULL WEEK WITH NUMBERS COUNTING THE DAYS (seriously, this could not have been more clear), this woman raised her hand and said "But we don't count weekends in those days right? Because we only get treatment between Monday and Friday so Saturday and Sunday would be days we don't count in that, right?"
At this point, my child, who insisted on attending this class (she has this thing with wanting to know what is going on with her Mom, go figure) audibly thumped her head on the table. The rest of the room, including the nurse, looked as if they were impersonating a beached salmon.
I would also like to point out that this woman is also expected to make a full recovery, she was given (as she so likes to share) a 90% or greater chance of complete recovery ... and yet she cries. ALL THE TIME!
Both of these are only single examples of what amounts to the general attitude in this room and it was all brought into sharp contrast by the man directly across from me today. He was overheard to mention to his visitor that this was his 3rd round of treatment and it was his second round with this same cancer. It had been in remission until just a few months ago.
I am seriously worried for him. He has that look. Emaciated, pale, shaky, sunken eyes. I told him I really wanted to see him back there when I come back in 3 weeks. He smiled, laughed and said "Yeah, that is the plan."
No tears, no worry, just making the best of it.
Should things not go according to plan for me, he is the example I want to follow. I have no doubt he is scared but he is showing no signs of letting that fear control his situation.
I wanted to clarify all of that up there because I am getting the feeling that a lot of people were not understanding where I am coming from on this. I hope that helped clear it up. I am not completely heartless and unable to understand, I just don't see the point in letting the fear take over. It isn't helpful.
A couple cool things today, of which I have pics.
Okay, one of them was kind of an eyerolling "of course" moment.
This, is a very fuzzy pic of the pump that delivers the chemo medication to the IV in my arm. It was on the last bag before my bestest stabby friend got removed for a few weeks ... which I was REALLY looking forward to!
Ignore the top (99.91) number. The next one down (714 ml/hr) is the rate at which the medication had been being delivered over the past 44 minutes. Yes, HAD BEEN.
That bottom number there? That is how much was left to deliver. A whole 9.74 ml a few minutes at most. Right under that you will see a white portion of the screen. At the top of that screen it reads "AIR-IN_LINE" and the whole thing had stopped. Of course!
I was in chair #4 today, the 12 main chairs having had holiday decorations put up over night.
Any guesses on what the other 11 numbers had beneath them? :P
And, finally, the really cool.
We all got one of these today, courtesy of a paitent who finished their chemo yesterday.
How cool is that?
no subject
Date: 2012-12-13 05:45 am (UTC)The weepy chemo folks--from my experience with people and personal tragedy it seems that there are those who don't know how to cope without causing a scene and those who feel obligated to cause one as part of their whole process. I'm in the whole "I'd rather break down in a dark room by myself" crowd so yeah, I cringed at your descriptions.
As for the emotional roller coaster, as one of the long term riders, it isn't so much a choice. Its more like the strap has you stuck in the seat and the roller coaster keeps starting up again while you're fiddling with the strap.
As far as how you deal with stuff, everyone goes through their shit differently. I'm glad you feel comfortable sharing because often the stoic folks are discouraged from talking about how they feel because being less overtly emotional there's the assumption that you're kind of a monster (been there twice, it pretty much blows). This year I've been going through my own shite that I haven't really felt comfortable talking about but I really like reading your particular take on what you're going through, it makes it easier to laugh at myself with my own stuff. Not sure if that's good, bad or whatever.
'Nuff rambling for now. Grats on the end of round one!
no subject
Date: 2012-12-13 06:17 am (UTC)I am also now a little worried that I am giving off the wrong vibe. Not my intention! My shit is no more important than anyone else's shit. Just that I really don't mind talking about it. I do understand why people don't and that is great too! But I am okay with it and I know there are a few others who might have a use for it, for research if nothing else. If they can laugh at it all the better, because really, the last thing life ever needs is to be taken too seriously.
Good luck with your own shite! I will be hoping it settles down for you. :) And thanks! not having an IV in my arm for a few weeks is going to be wonderful. I can shower properly again! Yay! (3 days has never felt so long!)
no subject
Date: 2012-12-13 07:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-13 04:34 pm (UTC)