15 minutes to walk 6 steps! YAY! On the other hand I am officially a non-smoker

[genlisae]

After more bad days than good the past few weeks I was having a really good day. I had both arms all day except for the minor 5 or so minutes this morning when my left arm did the achy, numb, immobile thing, headache was at a dealable level and I even managed to get 2 of the 3 "dropping off of paperwork" sessions out of the way finally. I got some writing done, got some decorating done on the hood makeovers and even managed to spend a half hour or so with the goats (all baby development is going well there and both mom-to-be's are happy, healthy and playful). I was working on placing some of the premade houses in PV (I will so have picspam of that soon, I am excited about this!), stopped for a moment and stood to go refill my glass ...

... And then I didn't have a right leg anymore.

It wasn't numb, not even like it was asleep, just completely non-responsive. My dog was there beside me in less than 2 seconds (from a sound sleep across the room, how does he always know?) and with a combination of leaning on furniture/the dog I got to the sink to refill my glass, getting back, not so easy partially because by then everyone else had been alerted to the problem and were all trying to help *eyeroll*. This is not the first time this has happened and I didn't even fall over this time! Me and the dog were doing okay, he's big enough to keep me from falling over while I more or less shuffle-drag along and no, I don't want a cane or crutches because a cane is kind of not going to help at all and the theory behind crutches is kind of that you can lift the injured leg off the floor which a) not injured and b) can not lift it off the floor because it is paralyzed. I appreciate the trying to help, I really do, but I need to work these things out on my own. Also, I knew what was coming and if what I knew was coming kicked in while some well intentioned person (yes, even my daughter) was trying to help, there is potential for a very violent reaction leading to serious bodily harm. Theirs.

What was coming? My neck was going to make a gods-awful crunching sound sort of like it had just been simultaneously broken while being popped out of socket and then the feeling would come flooding back to my leg leaving me with the distinct sensory perception of my leg being stabbed in multiple places, on fire and flash frozen. All of these sensations only intensify if anything at all happens to be touching it, like say a random brush of fabric (usually I can deal) a sock (not so dealable, in theory because socks are tighter and it is a stronger contact with the skin, the sock was already off because I learn!) or Mathew as he attempts to help lift my leg over the step and becomes the primary source of the stabbing/burning sensation. The dog has the good sense to stay close enough I can lean a hand on him but away enough he won't touch the dead leg at all (Seriously, how does he know?). People? Not so much. Knee jerk reaction at that point, quite literally, and whichever poor sod was trying to help is far more likely to get kicked.

The crunch and flood of pain happened about 3 steps back across the kitchen. It wasn't pretty and makes this one of the worse, bad days after starting out as a good day :(

In other news, when I went to see my doctor yesterday I got my official designation as a non-smoker *cheer* FINALLY! After 3 weeks without a cigarette and with no homicidal urges in sight we are both feeling pretty good about my chances of staying quit. I have support systems in place, which was way more difficult than it should have been but it turns out I have spent the past 20+ years self medicating for anxiety with nicotine. It probably would have been easier if I wasn't determined to be drug free on the anxiety front, but I am and have so far succeeded.

I can't sit on this one until I have more, so I am going to finish out this post with a peek at what is going on in Pleasantview.



:D And it isn't even close to finished yet.

Comments

I should be in bed and yet I'm not...not yet anyway

[bolob.livejournal.com]

...I'm too busy redoing my journal layout because of some 'ooh pretty' I saw on mintyapple just now, but that's neither here nor there.

My god dear, that sounded really scary D: I'm glad your pup was nice to be responsive to your needs along with your other family members. So this is a nerve thing right? *hugs*

Good about the non-smoking thing. Hooray! \o/ I am proud of you

*intrigued by the pic* ooh :O and I'm glad you were productive today. How many - pardon me, but I don't believe I ever knew what the devil a baby goat was called and I'm usually so good with animal's and offspring names >_<;;; so halp? - are the goat mommies expecting or is there any way to be able to tell that?

Re: I should be in bed and yet I'm not...not yet anyway

[genlisae.livejournal.com]

Goat babies are kids. (Yup, that is where calling human children "kids" came from, they act about the same as well ...) We are expecting 3, a single and "twins" (not really twins, just 2 babies, but often called twins anyway) based on the "usual" and the history of both goats. Based on size of the mothers though ... yeah, I would not be at all surprised if Blackberry (who is currently looking like a very large barrel on little pin legs with 45-60 days to go) dropped 4. :/ I would way rather she didn't. Twins would be difficult enough for a first timer, but it is well within the realm of possibility, she was a quad herself. About the only way to tell would be an ultrasound and that still wouldn't be certain. We are ready though! Whatever we end up with.

The leg thing is related to the Chiari, yes. Which is the slow pinching off of my spinal cord causing all sorts of other things to go wrong. The good news is is it not so much a direct pinching, more of a "squeeze and release" thing, so it is very slow progression. Bad news is the damage is still being done and things like this happen. It was a bit scary the first time, though I was expecting things like a suddenly paralyzed limb. Now it is just annoying and the wondering if this time it will come back because one day, it might not.

[bolob.livejournal.com]

Thank you I'm sorry I couldn't remember. Oh my :o wouldn't that be a heckova thing though?

Chiari? >_< Ooh that sounds awful. I've never heard of anyone with that kind of condition. I'm so sorry . I would like it if it didn't and you could just be ok. How long has this been going on for you? Your whole life? I can't even fathom having to live with that sort of thing. You're a strong strong woman K *hugs*

[radioredrafts.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to read you have trouble with pain. I've had a few issues myself, but nothing like what you describe, geez... Makes me realize mine isn't really bad at all. I hope it's just temporary, whatever's causing it.

BTW... friended. And I don't do that very often here. :)

[radioredrafts.livejournal.com]

BTW, congratulations on kicking the habit!

[genlisae.livejournal.com]

Thanks :D

I don't know if there is such a thing as "not that bad" when it comes to pain, it all hurts! lol

Oh! and added back (which I forgot to mention before because I was busy reading the article about the glacial microbes.)

[radioredrafts.livejournal.com]

Yes, it all hurts, but I tend to use a ten point scale, with one being a cat scratch and ten being when I fell ten feet out of a tree and landed on my face. And nine would be using saltwater to disinfect an exposed tooth nerve. and my chronic backache would be about a two. But none of it sounds as bad as what you describe. I sincerely hope it gets better.

[katzengirl.livejournal.com]

Awesome picture. Yay for non-smoker status and congrats! And yay for an awesome dog. It's quite possible to list him as a service dog if you haven't already.

This dead leg thing is part of your illness that causes the headaches, right? Chiari? It sounds awful. :( Have you tried explaining it to the people that were trying to help? Maybe if they realize how much pain they were causing by trying to help, they'd try not to touch your leg and/or you at all during an episode. I'm sorry it ruined your good day.

Like the friends and family around you, I don't like seeing you hurting. It breaks my heart that you have to deal with such pain on a daily basis. I admire your bravery for sticking through it. You are such a strong person, Kate. *huggles*

[genlisae.livejournal.com]

He is not listed as a service dog because it had never occurred to me he could be *shrug* got focused on his herding instincts and the rest was just "who he is". If abovepoetics has her way though it looks like he will be soon! :D

It is part of the Chiari Malformation, just more symptoms of progression. :) Thank you for the support. Not sure I would say I am strong though, just dealing with things as they are. Not much else I can do really :)

[abovepoetics.livejournal.com]

tell me more about your dog. Anthem is trained to catch Heather, Jake is trained to alert to alarms, mood changes and people passing out in the shower. He also barks on command and if your blood pressure drops or sky rockets, Takoda will climb into your lap and refuse to let you up. Anthem will guard the house should he feel Heather or I are in danger from outside forces, and he will bark if he feels that we need intervention.

I want to know how old your dog is, what breed/mix he is, what his natural intuitions, skills and instincts are because if possible, you can give this skill some formal training and play into his instinct to help you by getting him to "work" for you. It sounds like he'd respond well enough to it. We train service dogs, I can help you with this.

... Also, glad to hear the goats are doing well. Leg thing is scary, keep dog close and give him treats when he does the right thing.

[abovepoetics.livejournal.com]

Notice the assertiveness in that comment... You, apparently, aren't allowed to not have a working dog. Heh. Consider urself special!

[genlisae.livejournal.com]

I should have known you would be all over the dog bit :D.

He is a 2 yo Australian Shepard. His natural inclinations are for herding (obviously, not sure I have ever met an untrained Aussie who didn't try to herd everything they saw) and guarding. He is a rescue, we are home #4 for him and were his "last chance" (for the record, we do not believe in "last chance" here, I have never had a dog that was not able to be behaviorally rehabilitated no matter how many others had deemed them impossible, even the aggressive ones). His first seven months were spent seriously neglected in a 4x4 pen where he naturally learned people were not to be trusted or relied on for anything, not even food. His first few months here were very much a power struggle and the learning of boundaries and simple things like his name (No, they hadn't even taught him that and his damn name is "Dog" for fuck sake! Yes, I get angry with people for being asswads. They are by far my least favourite animal).

Unfortunately your assertiveness was wasted (go you though!) he is already a working dog. He is the flock dog working with both the chickens and the goats (eventually). At present he is only working with the chickens until he consistently calms enough to work with the goats. Some days we still go right back to the basics again so the goats are still a ways off in his training. The chickens push back when he gets too excited. The goats will simply spook. He's getting there.

I would love to know more about service dog training. That is an area I have never worked with. General obedience and limited herding (we are now at the point where I am learning right along with him) I have done.

[abovepoetics.livejournal.com]

Sorry it took me so long to reply to this ...

I think you're headed in the right direction, anytime he does the right thing give him all the love he can handle - positive conditioning, really? The better it is for him to be there at that time, the sooner he'll come. :)