15 minutes to walk 6 steps! YAY! On the other hand I am officially a non-smoker

[genlisae]

After more bad days than good the past few weeks I was having a really good day. I had both arms all day except for the minor 5 or so minutes this morning when my left arm did the achy, numb, immobile thing, headache was at a dealable level and I even managed to get 2 of the 3 "dropping off of paperwork" sessions out of the way finally. I got some writing done, got some decorating done on the hood makeovers and even managed to spend a half hour or so with the goats (all baby development is going well there and both mom-to-be's are happy, healthy and playful). I was working on placing some of the premade houses in PV (I will so have picspam of that soon, I am excited about this!), stopped for a moment and stood to go refill my glass ...

... And then I didn't have a right leg anymore.

It wasn't numb, not even like it was asleep, just completely non-responsive. My dog was there beside me in less than 2 seconds (from a sound sleep across the room, how does he always know?) and with a combination of leaning on furniture/the dog I got to the sink to refill my glass, getting back, not so easy partially because by then everyone else had been alerted to the problem and were all trying to help *eyeroll*. This is not the first time this has happened and I didn't even fall over this time! Me and the dog were doing okay, he's big enough to keep me from falling over while I more or less shuffle-drag along and no, I don't want a cane or crutches because a cane is kind of not going to help at all and the theory behind crutches is kind of that you can lift the injured leg off the floor which a) not injured and b) can not lift it off the floor because it is paralyzed. I appreciate the trying to help, I really do, but I need to work these things out on my own. Also, I knew what was coming and if what I knew was coming kicked in while some well intentioned person (yes, even my daughter) was trying to help, there is potential for a very violent reaction leading to serious bodily harm. Theirs.

What was coming? My neck was going to make a gods-awful crunching sound sort of like it had just been simultaneously broken while being popped out of socket and then the feeling would come flooding back to my leg leaving me with the distinct sensory perception of my leg being stabbed in multiple places, on fire and flash frozen. All of these sensations only intensify if anything at all happens to be touching it, like say a random brush of fabric (usually I can deal) a sock (not so dealable, in theory because socks are tighter and it is a stronger contact with the skin, the sock was already off because I learn!) or Mathew as he attempts to help lift my leg over the step and becomes the primary source of the stabbing/burning sensation. The dog has the good sense to stay close enough I can lean a hand on him but away enough he won't touch the dead leg at all (Seriously, how does he know?). People? Not so much. Knee jerk reaction at that point, quite literally, and whichever poor sod was trying to help is far more likely to get kicked.

The crunch and flood of pain happened about 3 steps back across the kitchen. It wasn't pretty and makes this one of the worse, bad days after starting out as a good day :(

In other news, when I went to see my doctor yesterday I got my official designation as a non-smoker *cheer* FINALLY! After 3 weeks without a cigarette and with no homicidal urges in sight we are both feeling pretty good about my chances of staying quit. I have support systems in place, which was way more difficult than it should have been but it turns out I have spent the past 20+ years self medicating for anxiety with nicotine. It probably would have been easier if I wasn't determined to be drug free on the anxiety front, but I am and have so far succeeded.

I can't sit on this one until I have more, so I am going to finish out this post with a peek at what is going on in Pleasantview.



:D And it isn't even close to finished yet.

Comments

[katzengirl.livejournal.com]

Awesome picture. Yay for non-smoker status and congrats! And yay for an awesome dog. It's quite possible to list him as a service dog if you haven't already.

This dead leg thing is part of your illness that causes the headaches, right? Chiari? It sounds awful. :( Have you tried explaining it to the people that were trying to help? Maybe if they realize how much pain they were causing by trying to help, they'd try not to touch your leg and/or you at all during an episode. I'm sorry it ruined your good day.

Like the friends and family around you, I don't like seeing you hurting. It breaks my heart that you have to deal with such pain on a daily basis. I admire your bravery for sticking through it. You are such a strong person, Kate. *huggles*

[genlisae.livejournal.com]

He is not listed as a service dog because it had never occurred to me he could be *shrug* got focused on his herding instincts and the rest was just "who he is". If abovepoetics has her way though it looks like he will be soon! :D

It is part of the Chiari Malformation, just more symptoms of progression. :) Thank you for the support. Not sure I would say I am strong though, just dealing with things as they are. Not much else I can do really :)